Written and Presented in an interactive session
by an Experienced and Motivational
Speaker...........
AGNES EKANEM
This topic is absolutely
necessary for discussion due to certain practices that are going on in the
world which the church is not exempted. There is an upsurge in
premarital and extra-marital sexual relationships going on today, which have
also crept into the church. In order to preserve the purity of the church, it
is essential we examine the root causes and also proffer practical solutions to
the problem.
RELATIONSHIP
The connection between
two or more people or groups and their involvement with one another, especially
as regards the way they behave toward and feel about one another. It can also
be said to be an emotionally close friendship, especially one involving sexual
activity.
Premarital relationship
is a relationship that takes place or exists between two closely related people
before marriage. This includes having girls and boys as friends by virtue of
being neighbours, classmates and maybe being members of the same organisation.
Having friends is not sinful as one of the basic needs of man is to love and be
loved. Premarital relationship becomes sinful when it involves fondling,
cuddling, kissing and sex. But we should be mindful that bad company corrupts
good morals (I cor. 15:33).
SOME CAUSES OF
PREMARITAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP
Ø Negligence on the part of parents.
Ø Inability to control sexual emotions/desires.
Ø Exposure to immoral/ungodly materials e.g.
pornographic videos and magazines.
Ø Indecent dressing.
Ø Desperation for marriage.
Ø Our brothers taking undue advantage of sisters
for reason of marriage.
Ø Economic reasons.
Ø Peer/social pressure
Ø Rape.
REMEDIES
Parents
As parents we need
to understand the causes of these problems. Do not only condemn without looking
for solutions.
I. Continuous guidance and counselling.
II. Sexuality education.
III. Provision of basic needs.
IV. Not creating an environment for such relationship to strive, by
showing wilful blindness.
V. Discipline.
Youths
As
youths who are mostly affected, you need to:
· Value your worth – Both
as a Christian and as someone that aims to be morally upright. You should not
cheapen yourself.
· Determine within
yourself not to be involved in premarital sex by resisting all pressure in that
regard.
· Have the fear of God in
you by seeking God and walking with him.
Psalm 119: 11 – “Your
word have I hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against you”. The word of
the God should be a constant reminder to you not to give in to sexual
emotions/desires. Uncontrolled sexual emotions among youths result in
fornication and the scriptures tell us that no fornicator would have part in
Heaven, which is the ultimate hope of all Christians. (Heb 13:4; Eph 5:5)
· Consider the Physical
and Spiritual consequences of uncontrolled sexual emotions. Loss of control over
sexual emotions can have negative effect on your academics, career, and family
relationship, dignity (self respect, honour and the joy/pride of entering a
marriage as a virgin). It may also make you to be compelled to accept anyone
that comes your way for marriage because you have already become a second hand
(marriage out of sympathy). You should also consider the burden associated with
single parenthood, premarital pregnancy complications, sexually transmitted
diseases, some of which cannot be cured.
· Wisdom must be exercised – Our God advises us to
be as wise as serpents and as gentle as a dove (Matt. 10: 16). Wisdom will make
you not to fall cheaply to those that wish to exploit your uncontrolled sexual
emotion.
· Be confident and proud
of yourself – A single teen or youth may feel very lonely and depressed. It
is important to keep things in perspective at times. Teenagers must deal with
several stressful events, such as hormonal changes, pressure to perform well in
school and work, and family responsibilities. Do not feel pressure to date or
be in a relationship simply because others are doing so. Live in the way that
is best for you as a Christian.
· Be focused on your academic and career pursuits
and give no opportunity for sexual indiscretion.
· Be prayerful – there is nothing that is
impossible with prayers
· Parents admonishing
their male children to abstain from pre-marital sex
This is a relationship
that occurs outside marriage involving a married woman or man. It is a
relationship that pertains to a sexual relation with someone other than one’s
spouse. It is an adulterous relationship because it exists concurrently with
marriage. Sometimes it begins with no intention of having sex but gradually
progresses to a sexual relationship.
CAUSES
The following among
others are identified as common causes of extra-marital relationship:
· Sexual dissatisfaction – Sex drive not met corresponding
response.
· Denial of sex by one of
the partners
· Poor treatment – lack of regard by spouse
· Lack of care
· Lack of affection
· Economic hardship
· Seeking for cheap favours
· Lack of self esteem
· Inability to control sexual urge/emotion
· General inability to resist men’s advances
· Unnecessarily deep and extra care for men
· Lack of contentment
· Permissiveness
· Marriage for reasons other than love
· Seeking refuge in the company of someone other
than the partner
· Search for excitement and adventure
· Being easily carried away by romantic
words
· Inability to let go of pre-marital relationship
after marriage
· Fear of being
blackmailed over some past actions/secrets
What are men looking for
when seeking sexual relationship with you?
· Sexual satisfaction
· Emotional sustenance
· Material sustenance
· Someone he can lord over
when he cannot bring the wife in submission
· Feeling of conquering
Effects of Extra-
marital Relationship
· Gradually creates a gulf in the marriage
relationship
· Loss of trust and affection
· Sexually transmitted diseases
· Quarrel and fights
· Suspicion
· Break up of marriage –
separation and divorce
· Defiling the marriage
bed and incurring the wrath of God
· Dis-fellowship
·
Spiritual and sometimes
physical death.
Possible Solutions
· Contentment – sexually, emotionally,
economically and physically (1 TIM 6: 6)
·Honour your body ·Show maturity in your composure, carriage and dressing
· .Resist the devil and it
will flee from you
· . Self respect – Do not give “green light” to
anybody that you are available
· . Avoid enticing dressing, actions and talks
· . Love and affection for the spouse
· . Marry someone you really love so that the love
can endure challenges – not marrying out of sympathy
· . Learn to love your spouse even if you married
him for reasons other than love
· . Keep yourself busy – “an idle mind is the
devil’s workshop”
· . Let the word of God dwell richly in your hearts
– leave no vacuum for idle thoughts that produce extra-marital acts
· . Limit your exposure in the social media/network
· . Avoid discussing your emotional problems and
other challenges with men.
· . Prayerfulness.
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