In one of the comedy plays by William Shakespeare, titled Twelfth Night, he had said, “Whoever loves, loves at first sight,” which implies that it is possible to be in real love from the first gaze.
The question as to whether there is
‘love at first sight’ or not is one still shrouded in serious
puzzlement. It is one of the many issues scientists have yet to agree
on. Some believe it exists, some believe it does not last while some
others say it does not exist.
Olusola Austin, an accountant, is one of those who believe in it and have benefitted from it.
At the eighth year anniversary of their
wedding held recently, Austin and his wife gladly told their guests that
if there was anyone doubting that there is indeed love at first
sight, such a person should quickly have a change of mind. He recalled
that his relationship with his wife began with a brief gaze at each
other at their friends’ wedding.
Austin said he was the best man at his
friend’s wedding years ago, and as it is customary, he sat behind the
groom and, of course, beside the bridesmaid, whom he is now married to.
As the church service progressed, Austin said he could not but stare repeatedly at the bridesmaid who sat next to him.
He continued, “From the moment I set my
eyes on her, I wasn’t myself again. I could barely wait for the
programme to end so I could talk to her. She was like an epitome of
everything I wanted in a woman, from the words of her mouth, her
diction, carriage, beauty, to her impressive attitude. That experience
made me realise there is a possibility of having feelings of love for
someone even at the first glance.
“That was the first time I was seeing
her but I was already in love with her. Eventually, we became close and
later turned out to be best of friends before we got married,” he said.
Austin’s story might sound like a fairy
tale, but that is his reality. The argument about this keeps going back
and forth without a unanimous outcome.
While some people see it as a mere
expression or manifestation of sexual attraction and lust, those who
believe in it say it is indeed possible, saying since people don’t fall
in love with everyone they see on the road, there is always something
unique about such persons they fall in love with.
Studies have shown that men are more likely to fall in love at first
sight than women. One of the studies noted that it only takes the first
15 seconds for a man to decide whether a woman is attractive enough and
same time for a woman to decide whether to give a man a chance to make
her fall in love or not.
Some other studies also found that men, more than women, report love at first sight and that some might misconstrue strictly sexual desire as love at first sight.
An Israeli philosopher, Aaron Ben-Zeev, in his explanation on Psychology Today, said the fact that love at first
sight could mislead, might be based upon unreliable information or
assumption or does not stand the test of time do not mean that it does
not exist. He said such love might not be profound but that it could be
intense.
He said, “Love at first sight can often
mislead since it is based more on imagination and wishful thinking,
however, it can still be love, and is often very intense, such that you
wish to prolong the time you spend with the other person.
“The fact that love at first
sight may be based upon unreliable information does not mean it is not
an instance of intense love. Research indicates that romantic love is
often based upon idealisation and positive illusions, and this is also
true concerning love that lasts many years. This is also the case
concerning other emotions.
“The fact that love at first
sight may perish after a while also does not imply that it was not an
intense love. Time is not an exclusive, or even the major, measure of
intense love.
He explained that such a relationship
could last if the perceived characteristics of the person being loved
align with the person’s real characteristics. He noted however that
‘love at first meeting’ stands a better chance as the person’s
characteristics would be observed and tested during the meeting unlike
mere seeing.
Ben-Zeev advised that people could
pursue whoever they fall in love with at first sight as it is a genuine
expression of their response to what they see or perceive.
He added, “Love at first sight is not
merely sexual attraction. It is an intense form of romantic love that
has a good chance of developing into profound intense love, provided
that the characteristics that are not seen at first sight are indeed
similar to those the lover assumes, and that no external circumstances
occur to terminate the relationship.”
But according to researchers from the University of Aberdeen, Scotland, love at first
sight is all about sex and ego. They said their study found that a
stare could only produce a feeling of love if the other person presents a
welcoming look, “as if they like you too.”
One of the researchers, Ben Jones, said,
“It does seem to be a sort of narcissistic thing. People are attracted
to people who are attracted to them, so that attractiveness is not just
about physical beauty.”
In another study by some researchers
from the University of Texas in United States, they said their survey of
107 couples showed that when people fall in love at first
sight, such attractiveness or relationship might not last. They noted
that it is better for individuals to get to know one another better
before they start dating.
The lead researcher, Lucy Hunt, noted,
“Our results indicate that perceptions of beauty in a romantic partner
might change with time, as individuals get to know one another better
before they start dating. Having the time to interact with others in
diverse settings affords more opportunities to form unique impressions
that go beyond one’s initial snap judgements.”
Also, a relationship expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh, in a post on shape.com said love at first
sight is not the key to a lasting relationship, noting that unlike
women, men are easily attracted to good looks but that for a woman to
truly fall in love, she would more likely pull back the layers and see
what’s underneath the appearance.
She added that the time spent together
by both persons knowing themselves better plays a major role in
attractiveness and having a lasting relationship, noting that there is
more to loving someone than just seeing the person.
She said, “By the time a person
introduces you to all of the important people in their life, you’ve
likely known them long enough to allow a real sense of attraction to
occur and not just lust. The first thing men look for in a partner is
beauty or good looks. After that, they look at kindness, loyalty and
intelligence, while the first thing a woman looks at in a man is
stability. Then, they consider the man’s intelligence, kindness and the
last is looks.”
Meanwhile, a consultant psychologist, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said there is indeed love at first
sight. He said, “It’s a kind of chemistry, not necessarily sexual, and
the way it works cannot exactly be explained by science. It may not even
apply to love among humans alone. There are other objects you see and
you fall in love with. So, the same thing applies to humans. But again,
it is a rare thing to come by and some of it are categorised as
infatuation.”
On whether men fall in love at first sight than women, he said how both sexes interpret love differ.
He added, “Normally, a man is attracted
to a woman and when a woman has all what it takes to be attractive, a
man doesn’t consider much when he meets such a lady. All he could be
considering might be to possess that lady. But women are more reticent
and what motivates them to fall in love is different from what motivates
a man. She might examine how able the man would be in defending her
physically and maybe emotionally. So, I believe there is love at first sight and it is not always sexual.”
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