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| Biodun Ogungbo |
The St. Valentine’s Day will be
celebrated globally on Sunday, February 14. The event began as a
liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints named
Valentinus. It is an official feast day in the Anglican Communion, as
well as in the Lutheran Church.
The event, also known as the Feast of St
Valentine, is a celebration of love observed in many countries around
the world. Initially, it was associated with romantic love in the circle
of Geoffrey Chaucer when the tradition of courtly love flourished in
the middle ages.
In the 18th century England, St.
Valentine’s Day evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their
love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery and
sending greeting cards (known as ‘Valentines’).
Anyway, that’s all good and well. Let us
talk about romance, love, sex and why wearing a condom can be extremely
bad for you on that day.
I was at the doctor’s clinic the other
day with my farting problem. I said to him, “I fart all the time! But
the good part is that ‘they’ are silent and they don’t smell. So, nobody
knows. Ever since I stepped into your clinic, I have farted about 20
times and nobody noticed.” He gave me some medicine and told me to come
after a week.
A week later, I went fuming to his
office and said, “What kind of medicine was that? Now my farts stink
like hell! The good thing is that they are still silent. So, nobody
knows I did it.”
Now, the doctor calmly replied, “Okay, so your nose infection is cleared. Next, I will give you medicine for your ears.”
Prevention of infection
For those who have ears, please listen
carefully. Condoms prevent sexually transmitted infections. You have to
wear it before sexual intercourse and be strict about not allowing
bodily fluid from your partner anywhere near your sex organ. It prevents
infections like gonorrhoea, herpes, herpatitis B and C, syphilis and,
of course, HIV.
The thing about not using protection is
that you risk catching an infection. You risk passing an infection to
your partner. Don’t forget that our bodies are vastly different and a
germ that may be local and friendly to you (not giving you any symptoms
or problems) may be dangerous to your partner. So, using a condom
protects you and your partner.
If you don’t want to protect yourself,
then you are playing the game, ‘Passemon’. The sexually transmitted
infection trading game! This game is a new craze that is sweeping
bedrooms across nations. Have you got chlamydimander? How about herpesaur? Or even gonococcus? Collect and swap them now with your friends!
So, St. Valentine’s Day is a great time
to catch as many infections as possible. It will guarantee a visit to
the doctors in March with a nasty urinary tract infection, a cold sore,
itchy vagina full of smelly discharge, a penis clothed with warts and a
possible positive HIV test.
The St. Valentine’s Day could be the
best, most romantic and funniest ever as long as you do not let it go to
your head. Lose your heart, but don’t lose your head. You should be
smart and avoid situations that lead to problems when morning comes.
Take this case, for example: A chap thought it would be pretty funny
putting a pin through all of his best friends’ condoms. It did seem like
a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, it seriously backfired when he
found out his own wife was pregnant. For the best friend!
Prevention of pregnancy
Wearing a good condom on St. Valentine’s
Day could be an effective way of preventing pregnancy and therefore
limiting your chances of having a baby by Christmas. Among the Yoruba, a
December baby is rather special and likely to be called, ‘Abiodun’,
just like yours truly.
Studies have suggested that babies born
around November and December are better behaved and more intelligent
than those born in the summer months.
Scientists at both Harvard and
Queensland (Australia) universities took a look at the statistics and
found that children born in November and December tended to be longer at
birth than those born in the summer. By the age of seven, the
winter-born kids were heavier, taller, and had larger head circumference
than their peers. This means that if you want to give birth to an
astronaut or a rocket scientist, ditch the condom in February and March.
Also, ensure your partner stops taking contraceptive pills from now. No
point climbing two mountains in one night.
NB: The morning after
pill is currently the safest way to prevent pregnancy after unprotected
sexual intercourse or contraception failure, with low incidence of side
effects. It is very unlikely that you will have any serious or long-term
side effects after taking it. If you do want to prevent having a
December baby, then rush to your local chemist on Monday 15 and get
‘Postinor’.
by Biodun Ogungbo
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