Confessions of 6 Women Who've Lived with Their Partner AND a Roommate

Cohabitating with a roommate has its challenges—maybe she polishes off your pad Thai leftovers or dips into your night cream and denies it—but it’s something almost everyone has to deal with.

But once you’re living with a guy or married, you can kiss those days goodbye—at least until you pop out a kid. Right? Eh, not necessarily.

These days, more couples are living with a third party, whether that means they're shacking up with a parent (32 percent of 18- to 34-year-olds are living with their 'rents, according to the Pew Research Center) or a roommate. And with rental fees skyrocketing (they’re projected to rise by 3.5 percent this year, according to a study by realtytrac.com), it’s no wonder couples are experimenting with nontraditional living situations.

But are the money-saving benefits worth giving up your twosome groove? “While opening up your home can sound great in theory, it can create problems in reality,” says Denver-based marriage therapist Wyatt Fisher, Ph.D. “One of the main issues is that it decreases the amount of quality time you spend with your significant other," says Fisher. "So make sure you do whatever it takes to stay connected.”

Fisher suggests putting plans into place to maintain your one-on-one connection, like shutting your bedroom door at 8 p.m. every night or establishing a weekly date night. It's important to set up boundaries, he says. 

Read on for more details on what it's like living with a third wheel (it's not all bad!), from couples who’ve been there.

“When we were dating, my now-husband moved in with my four female roommates and me for a year. Our apartment was in a great location, the price was right, and he’s an extroverted guy [who] gets along with anyone. He really bonded with my roommates by cooking them dinner and watching reality TV with us. If we needed couple time, we would retreat to a French restaurant down the street." —Laura H.

“My husband and I lived with three other people for four years. One strain on our relationship was jealousy. My husband used to date one of the women living with us, which I was not crazy about. On the flip side, there were some single folks in the house who were envious of our relationship, and that brought us closer together. We knew we had a strong, special connection. Even though it was overall a positive experience, I can’t imagine doing it again.” —Liz O.

“My husband’s sister lived with us for a year while she was getting on her feet. Since we didn’t have much privacy, we had to designate alone time for the two of us. Sometimes that meant my husband and I went out on a date night or his sister spending a weekend at a friend’s house. But we also did things together and involved each other. We often went out to eat or to the movies as a family unit, which created great memories and a real bond that made slights easier to forgive and disagreements faster to work through. Ultimately, I’m glad that his sister and I had the chance to get to know each other. But if we had to do it again, I’d want a much bigger house.” —Lisa W.

“My mom has been living with my husband and me six months out of the year, for five years. She was a single woman in Puerto Rico, where the economical crisis hit terribly hard and crime was increasing big time. So my brother and I convinced her to move to the U.S., where we live. My husband is American, and my mom’s presence accentuated our cultural differences. At times, it created tension because she felt that I was letting go of important rituals, values, and beliefs. So she would confront my husband and me about it. It hasn’t always been a smooth ride, but I think it’s important to step out of your comfort zone and be there for others.” —Adriana T.

“When I first married my husband, I moved into the two-bedroom apartment he shared with his brother. It was difficult because my brother-in-law never cleaned anything. One of his girlfriends basically lived there and would cook for him, but neither of them would wash the dishes. I sometimes felt like my husband was more concerned about his brother than he was about me. He wouldn’t say anything to him about the mess, so I often cleaned behind everyone. When we finally moved out after eight months, I was relieved to feel like I didn’t have to compete with his brother anymore. Saving money is important. But having peace at home is even more important.” —Dorcia C.

“When my husband and I moved to Vermont, our realtor became our first friend. He was renting his house when his landlord decided to sell it. He had to vacate quickly and didn’t have anywhere to go. We’ve been letting him stay with us for the past three months until he finds another place. I love living together. He's shown us a lot about the area and given us an excuse to get out, rather than hibernate at home. I do miss getting to walk around naked in the morning! Somehow, it actually hasn’t affected my relationship with my husband at all. If anything, it gives my hubby someone to hang out with when I travel for work, which is often.” —Danielle V.