Aside from their ability to change your life and your body in ways you
didn't know were possible, one really weird thing about kids is their
special ability to cock block you. Like breathing or pooping, it's just a skill that comes naturally to them.
And while it might seem cute when it happens to TV parents, like Jack and Rebecca Pearson on This Is Us, it can be frustrating AF in real life.
"One time my husband was going down on me in the middle of the night, and our son, who was 4 years old at the time, came sprinting
into our room. Thank God my husband was underneath a sheet, or else
we'd probably have had to answer some uncomfortable questions. It turned
out he had a nightmare, and when he calmed down he asked why daddy was
hiding under the covers. We told him that dad had a nightmare too so he
was hiding. He bought it—but then he slept between us. That was the
night we had to tell him that sometimes grownups sleep with no clothes on." —Jamie F.
"My wife and I went out for our anniversary and left the kids with a
babysitter. They were in bed when we got home. Since it was our anniversary, we wanted to celebrate—sexually.
We were just getting into it when our youngest came storming into the
room. She couldn't sleep because the babysitter had told her a scary
story and she wanted to sleep in bed with us. Worst anniversary ever." —Shayne T.
"Our son was over at a friend's for the night for his first sleepover
ever. So we were really excited to have a night alone to ourselves. But
right when I took off my last piece of clothing, the phone rang. Our
son decided he didn't want to sleep somewhere else, so we had to go and
pick him up. He cock blocked us even when he wasn't in our freaking
house!" —Beth Ann P.
"One morning, I decided to surprise my husband by hopping into the shower with him. We have our own bathroom that you have to go through the bedroom
to get to. Of course, this was the day one of our daughters decided to
get up earlier than normal and come into our room for something. Since
we weren't in bed, she walked straight into the bathroom. She wanted to
know why we were in the shower together. We told her we were both in a
hurry and didn't want to take turns." —Mila S.
"My son loves this stuffed llama he got from his grandma when he was a
baby. He takes it everywhere with him. It's his version of a security
blanket, but for someone who is so obsessed with it, he loses it pretty
often. One night he lost it right when I was about to have sex with my wife for the first time in a month. I basically had to search the entire house while I had blue balls.
Stupid llama. We found it in the bathroom, but the mood was officially
ruined for my wife. I had to go into the bathroom and do my own thing
before bed." —Henry H.
"I accepted that having a kid would mean having less sex,
but when our first was 3 years old, we started trying for another one.
Obviously, this meant we were trying to have sex as much as we could,
especially when my wife was ovulating.
But it was like our son had some sort of sixth sense where he just knew
when we were going to have sex. He'd always have a reason to come into
our room and stop us. Eventually, we had to send him for sleepovers at
his grandma's. That was an awkward conversation to have. Our second is
due in March, so I guess I'll probably never have sex again after that."
—Joshua F.
"One night, my husband and I were hooking up
on the couch in the living room when our daughter came in to tell us
she was feeling sick. We hadn't gotten our clothes off or gone very far
yet, but my hubs got up to go and check on her. It was funny because I
could see him struggling to walk around with a boner while he had his
jeans on. Turns out she was coming down with the flu and gave it to me. That meant that she technically blue balled us until I was feeling better two weeks later." —Lindsay F.
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