For a couple of 40-something parents with two little kids, I'd say my husband and I have a pretty good sex life.
As in, we still have sex, and sometimes it's even good! Of course, it's
nothing like at the beginning of our relationship when we were all over
each other all the time and unable to keep our hands to ourselves (yes,
even in public). These days, our sex is definitely much more familiar—very loving, but not super hot. (Try these tips from sexperts on how to banish bedroom boredom.)
And as for the frequency, well, this is something we disagree on. In my
mind, we have sex three times a week. According to my husband, it's
more like once or twice.
Since Rob* is a big scheduler (he's never without his
appointment book), he jokingly floated the idea that we should try
scheduling sex. This went against everything that I think about sex and
relationships. Isn't sex supposed to be passionate, spontaneous, and
urgent? But Rob made a good point; scheduling sex would ensure that we
prioritize our sex life, and I was definitely down with that. Here's
what happened when we scheduled sex for an entire month:
Rob and I agreed we would have sex on Monday,
Wednesday, and Friday each week. I liked this for a few reasons. It
would give us something to be excited about after the weekend, we would
literally have a hump day (come on, that's funny!), and since Friday is
sometimes our date night, we'd theoretically already be a little boozed
up and in the mood.
The week started with me setting reminders to our calendars, which
was actually kind of fun. It was a little naughty to look at my phone
and see it written there. In fact, I was feeling so inspired I even sent
Rob a selfie with my shirt open as a little preview of that night's
activities. When we had sex that evening, I was more turned on than
usual!
On Wednesday, we missed one of our sex sessions because our son got
sick. (Hey, it comes with the parenting territory.) But our third
attempt was successful. I realized that even though I was initially
opposed to the idea, I liked knowing that we were going to do it,
because it gave me a chance to prepare. Not only mentally, but also by
doing stuff like shaving my legs.
This was the week between Passover and
Easter, so we had family in town, which meant lots of extra people
staying at our house. Still, I wanted to try and stick to our sex
schedule, even if it meant lots of quickies. (Should you be scheduling
sex? Our expert shares his thoughts, from Prevention
Premium.) I'm proud to say, even though it was an incredibly hectic
couple of days, we stuck to our schedule. Yes, there was a feeling like
we "had to get it done," which was a little too close to it being like a
chore. But then Rob pointed out that without the schedule, we probably
wouldn't have been intimate at all that week, and I agreed. The
scheduled sex helped us stay connected, and it was also a stress relief from all the in-laws and holiday gatherings.
Rob and I often complain that we do nothing
with our evenings, but with sex on the books, it kept us from zoning out
in front of the TV. On the nights we were scheduled to get down, we
knew exactly what was on the agenda. And on the other nights (Tuesday
and Thursday, especially) we were actually productive. One night I
organized my closet, the other night we both got some work stuff done.
Rob gave me an "I told you so" look when I admitted how I liked
compartmentalizing our activities this way. But then on Friday night, we
found that neither of us was exactly in the mood. Still, we stuck to
the schedule, and did it anyway, figuring that sometimes you just need
to get things going for it to feel good. Wrong. Sometimes the mood just
isn't there, and although the sex was OK, it left me questioning whether
we should be intimate just because the calendar said so. I worried that
our sex life would become automatic if we kept things up this way. (Sex
life getting a little stale? Spice things up with the Dare Me Pleasure Set from the Women's Health Boutique.)
By this point, I was mostly enjoying having regular sex, but also questioning how much room our schedule
left for spontaneity. Rob must have read my mind because that Sunday he
surprised me with flowers when he got home and pulled me in for a
seriously sexy kiss that later led to a makeout session and sex on the
living room couch. I was grateful that he was able to remind me that sex
could—and should—happen in the moment, and not just when my phone
buzzed to remind me.
For the rest of the week, we kind of threw the schedule out the window.
In fact, there was no weekday sex at all, but by the time Saturday
morning rolled around, we were both so horny, we managed to fit in a
very quiet but very sexy pajamas-half-on sex session. To me, that's how
sex should be: quality over quantity. Sure the sex was quick, but it was
intense! And the buildup of not having it all week made me want it
more.
But I had to agree with Rob's point that scheduling sex did put sex
on the forefront of both our minds. In a weird way, I looked forward to
our "on" nights because of the anticipation, but also to our "off"
nights because I knew that it was time just for me.
Going forward, I don't think we'll be scheduling sex. Even though Rob
would love to create an Excel sheet for our love life, that's just not
me. But one thing we do agree on is keeping Wednesday as our official
hump day (that's still funny, people). I like that it means that no
matter what's going on, we know that there will be at least one night
that's just for us. And hey, it's not a bad way to break up the week.
*Names have been changed
No comments:
Post a Comment