Dating, hook-ups & slut-shaming in today's HIV+ world

It was potluck night recently for a group of men in Los Angeles who gathered to fight a persistent enemy: Stigma surrounding HIV.

"People use the word 'clean' to represent 'negative,' and it happens all the time," said Orren Plaut.

There was a resounding, collective "Ugh!" from the rest of the group, seated in a circle on patio furniture and floor pillows. "It's something we of positive status hate," said Plaut.

"It's like, yes I shower," another member added with an eye roll.

Plaut is the executive director of The Thrive Tribe Foundation, an LA-based social network for gay and bisexual men working to eliminate the negative stereotypes that surround HIV through a combination of education, community support and increased access to health care. Most of the men gathered here are in their 20s and 30s and are too young to remember first-hand the height of the HIV and AIDS epidemic in the United States. Medical advancements made it possible for the virus to become a manageable chronic disease, but haven't necessarily wiped away the stigma.

In recent years, the number of new HIV diagnoses has dropped dramatically, down 19% from 2005 to 2014, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Antiretroviral therapy (ART) has been a game-changer when it comes to reducing the risk of transmitting the virus. Those on the treatment who are able to achieve viral suppression (a very low level of the virus in the blood) or an undetectable viral status not only reduce but, according to multiple different studies, completely eliminate the risk of transmitting to a sexual partner.

Meanwhile, Pre-exposure prophylaxis, more commonly known as PrEP, is a once-a-day pill that when taken consistently, can reduce the risk of HIV infection by 92%, according to the CDC.

In spite of this progress, for a younger generation of people living with HIV, stigma still plays a very powerful role in their life, particularly when it comes to disclosing their status to their sex and dating partners.

 

 

"It never feels good to get rejected," said Chris Villalobos, Associate Director of The Thrive Tribe Foundation. He's 29, single, and was diagnosed with HIV at age 24.

"I don't want a conversation to start with 'How'd you get infected?' and, 'Were you dating a guy? Or were you just [having casual sex]'?'"

His HIV status has become a natural filter for him in the dating world. "That person wasn't meant to be in my life," he says of those who respond with hostility or cruelty, "because I'm a f----ing fantastic person, and they are missing out at this point."

By Contessa Gayles