Sex sessions inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey might be what tickles your fancy, or maybe sex à la The Notebook is more your speed. But either way, it's no myth that sex, whether kinky or romantic, is a powerful way to increase intimacy with your partner and deepen your bond.
Even science says so. During sex, the brain floods the body with
hormones and neurochemicals, especially oxytocin, which is best known as
the ‘love hormone’—and with good reason.
(Here are 8 things that happen to your body during sex.)
Oxytocin decreases feelings of stress and dramatically increases
feelings of trust, security, bonding, and love, says California-based
couples therapist Mary Kay Cocharo, LMFT. Skin to skin touching triggers
the release of these hormones, making stripping down with your partner
one of the quickest and easiest ways to deepen your bond—even before the
main event starts. And there are actually additional steps you can take
during intercourse to strengthen your connection with your partner further. Here are seven simple things you can try tonight.
Even if you consider yourself to be reserved
in bed, keeping quiet during sex means you’re missing out on an
opportunity to build your bond with your hunny. Tell your partner what
feels good and what doesn't—and if you’re a little more outgoing,
vocalize the pleasure you're experiencing, Cocharo says. “Whether it's
through words or moans and groans, you want to show that you're in the
present moment with each other.”
Avoid distractions at all costs. Make sure
the television is off, and the ringer on your phone is silent. And
certainly don't take a break to check your texts or voicemails. During
sex, you and your partner should be solely focused on each other, says
Cocharo. If you're not, you're missing out on an opportunity to bond, or
worse, you risk offending your partner.
A lot of people sleep with their pets in
their bed, but it can be a major buzzkill to have your dog or cat
staring at you while you have sex. “If you're trying to look into your
partner's eyes and you glance over, and your dog's looking into your
eyes, it kind of breaks the mood,” Cocharo points out. Snuggle with your
pets later.
Your bedroom should be a place where you make
love and sleep. Not a place where you do work, pay bills, or talk on
the phone, says Cocharo. She suggests removing computers and charging
your cellphone overnight somewhere else. They will only distract you and
take away from your bonding time with your partner.
Many of us close our eyes during sex, but
it’s worth keeping them open for at least part of the time. “There is
neuroscience that shows that when two people gaze into each other's
eyes, at a close distance—say 18 or 20 inches—that the reactive part of
the brain, the limbic brain, calms and allows people to experience a
deeper connection,” Cocharo explains. So next time you get it on, gaze
at each other lovingly but be conscious about breaking that stare if it
starts to feel awkward. You don't want to kill the vibe by bordering on
creepy.
Let's put it like this: Not every meal needs
to be a five-course dinner. A quick burger can really hit the spot
sometimes, but too much fast food is never a good thing either. “In
lovemaking, not every 'meal' should be ‘fast food,’ sometimes you need a
five-course dinner, and that takes time, planning and effort,” Cocharo
says. Make sure to occasionally carve out time for candles, flirtation,
teasing, and foreplay, and savor every morsel. This can make sex more
pleasurable and special, which, over time, can help strengthen your bond
with your partner.
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