Making a good impression is vital to our social lives. On a job
interview or on a date, how you come off to another person could spell
success or failure. To be well-received, one must convey qualities such
as warmth, trustworthiness, and competence. But sometimes we miss the
mark. Research on what’s known as impression management is
extensive and maintains that people are quite skilled at presenting
themselves to others in a positive light. When they don’t, it is
believed that it's due to resource depletion — essentially, not having
the mental energy to properly navigate social situations.
Self‐presentation involves two steps. First, one must choose the
image they wish to convey to others. Second, one must strategically
present that image. It is this second step which researchers say can tax
mental resources. Making a positive impression takes self-regulation
and self-control, both of which require effort. For example, when
people are cognitively overloaded or distracted, they can become
boastful. That tends to not go over well with others.
Could it be that some people, regardless of mental resources, are just bad at making a good impression?
This challenge to such traditional thinking on impression management
is the focus of a new study led by psychologist Janina Steinmetz of
Utrecht University. She and her collaborators assert that some people
may be poor presenters not because of resource depletion, but rather two
largely unconsidered factors:
The first is the failure to take another person’s perspective. Perspective taking
refers to the ability to “anticipate the minds of others,” which isn’t
easy. When it goes awry, it’s due to “mis-predicting” the emotional
reaction of the receiver.
The second factor is narcissism. At
first, the narcissist’s energetic, interesting, and entertaining ways
are appealing. But over time, their arrogance and antagonism are fully
displayed, often repelling their acquaintances. Their manner also
affects their close relationships, as narcissists believe themselves to
be superior, make downward comparisons, and disparage others. Also, they
show little capacity for empathy or perspective taking.
The authors contend that failed perspective taking, exacerbated by
narcissism, contributes to four ineffective impression management
strategies:
1. Hubris
Self-aggrandizing displays don’t sit well with people and tend to
leave a negative impression. Research backs this up. One study had
participants read vignettes in which the “actor” systematically
presented themselves in either self-enhancing or non-self-enhancing ways
around academic ability and friendship.
In the self-enhancing condition, the actor made downward social
comparisons (i.e., comparing themselves to others in a favorable light),
such as “I am a better person to be friends with than others.” In the
non-self-enhancing condition, the actor made more non-comparative or
equal assertions, like “I am a good person to be friends with.” The
investigators then assessed what the participants thought of the actors
in each of these conditions. What did they find? Participants were most
put off when actors made downward social comparison, regardless of
whether it had to do with academics or friendship. What bothered them
was not so much that the actor had a negative view of others, but had a
negative view of the participant. The participants felt self-protective,
which in turn gave rise to hostility and antagonism.
2. Humblebragging
This form of impression mismanagement is bragging disguised as
complaining or humility. An example, as provided by the authors, would
be the social media user who posted, “Hair is not done, just rolled out
of bed from a nap, and still get hit on; so confusing!” By appearing
humble, a person can draw attention to their positive attributes in a
manner that is seemingly inoffensive. This tactic often backfires,
because it calls into question the sincerity of humblebraggart, leading
to a negative impression. Meanwhile, the individual has failed to
consider just how important the factor of genuineness
is. Perceived insincerity is so critical to interpersonal appeal that
humblebragging is less effective than simply complaining or bragging;
that is, both complainers and braggarts are regarded as more sincere,
and thus more likable, than humblebraggarts. Humblebraggarts believe
they can mask their ulterior motives, but in the end are exposed.
3. Hypocrisy
Hypocrites claim a certain image for themselves but fail to live up
to the standards of that image. Put another way, they talk the talk, but
don’t walk the walk, especially around moral
issues. Hypocrisy can work if the divergent behavior can stay
concealed. But once the daylight between the favorable image and the
failure to conform to its standards shines bright, the hypocrite will be
disliked much more than those who behave as the hypocrite does, but
don’t claim a false image.
4. Backhanded Compliments
A backhanded compliment is an insult cloaked in a compliment, where
the flatterer is purposefully condescending. For example, “I didn’t
expect you to do so well on that on the exam. That’s great.” They stem
from the desire to at once want to be liked and to have high social
status. People like compliments and see complimenters favorably. But
people recoil in the face of backhanded compliments. These bids for
superiority fail spectacularly. They show that a person is concerned
about how others evaluate them, when in actuality, they are more likely
to gain respect when they appear unconcerned about how others view them.
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