A trap for those suffering from depression and anxiety is
that many of people's natural coping reactions make the problem worse
rather than better. Here are a few examples of that, and some
practical solutions.
Note: Please be compassionate with yourself if you can
relate to any of these patterns. They're common pitfalls, not an
indictment on you as a person.
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| Photo by Jad Limcaco on Unsplash |
1. You don't fix problems that frustrate you.
Feeling irritable is one of the main symptoms of depression for many
people. Some problems that trigger repeated irritation and frustration
are easily fixable. However, people with depression often go into a
passive "survival" mode and don't address these issues, even though they
could.
For example, you don't have enough power outlets in the spot where
everyone in your household likes to charge their devices. You're
constantly annoyed about people unplugging your device in favor of their
own. This is the type of tension that can be solved by getting a
multi-plug, or another similar practical solution.
People with depression often just put up with this type of issue (and
complain about it), rather than deploying a solution. It's
understandable to do this, but not very helpful.
2. You're waiting for your sleep to improve before you take other actions.
Difficulty sleeping
is one of the most horrible symptoms of depression. Unfortunately,
it's often the last symptom to resolve when people's mood starts to
improve. Therefore, even though it's hard, it is important that you
start other strategies even though you're feeling tired and grumpy. For
example, exercise. If you over-focus on getting your sleep right before
you start other strategies, you're setting yourself up to fail.
3. Wanting a pill as a cure all.
Medication
is helpful for many people with depression but it certainly doesn't
address all of the thinking and behavioral patterns that are associated
with depression. For example, you'll likely still need psychological
strategies to deal with tendencies towards rumination (overthinking) and
avoidance/procrastination.
Solution: Try drawing a pie chart and estimating what role you think
medication has in your depression recovery. Include whatever is relevant
for you in your pie chart, such as thinking changes, exercise, meditation, laughter,
problem-solving etc. Your personal pie chart won't be the same as
someone else's since everyone's preferred mix of strategies for
depression recovery is a little bit different. When you start adding all
these other components to your pie chart, you'll see that medication is
only a part of the picture.
4. Asking for help too often.
People with depression frequently struggle along on their own for far
too long before seeking effective help, and may not realize they're
depressed. However, sometimes people can become over-reliant on
others when their mood is low. Examples include too frequently asking
for help with: making decisions, using technology, or reaching out
socially (such as making phone calls).
The same person can be too resistant to seeking help in some respects and too reliant on others in other respects!
When someone who is depressed constantly leans on others it can create anger,
resentment, and other problems in relationships. This is especially the
case when the depressed person repeatedly asks the same people for
help, or asks for help with the same task that they could learn to do
themselves.
This point relates to the next one, so keep reading to learn more.
5. Putting life, learning, and projects completely on hold.
People often feel like their brain is foggy and their concentration
is impaired when they're depressed. Therefore, it's natural that
people withdraw and think they'll put off working on projects or
learning anything new until they're feeling better.
When you're depressed, it's a great idea to go easy on yourself and
resist taking on too much. This does not mean putting off anything and
everything challenging or unfamiliar. If you do this, you'll
unfortunately dig yourself into a very big hole, where you withdraw from
life and avoid, and your confidence and energy erode further.
Don't push yourself too hard, but understand that experiences of both
pleasure and mastery are incredibly important for mood hygiene and
depression recovery.
Solution: For this tip, I like to think of each day in three chunks -
morning, afternoon, and evening. Aim to have one experience of
pleasure and one experience of mastery in each of these chunks. These
can be tiny, like canceling a subscription you've been paying for but
not using.
You can actually fold other advice for alleviating depression into
this strategy. For example, exercise could be either a pleasure or
mastery experience for you, or both. Something like taking the stairs
rather than the elevator could be counted as a mastery experience. Like I
said, you don't need to aim huge.
If you include mastery experiences in your day, you're not likely to
fall into the traps of asking for help too much or failing to solve
easily fixable problems that trigger your irritability.
Wrapping Up
Which of this problems seems most relevant to you or your loved
one? Which of the solutions presented seems most important for you to
try? How can you implement that in the easiest way possible? How can you
bypass the most likely obstacle to your succeeding with your strategy?
Photo by Jad Limcaco on Unsplash
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