And don't even consider looking back.
When
you're first dating someone, the fire of new love is so intense and
your chemistry runs so high that it can be challenging to see a man's
dominant personality traits for what they really are.
You might
even make
the unconscious choice not to see the red flags of emotionally
abusive relationships that are waving obviously to your friends and
family as they look on helplessly from the outside.
After all, it's going pretty well. Why ruin a mostly good thing with an unnecessary breakup, right?
Because you don't want to wind up burned, heartbroken, and potentially traumatized down the road, that's why.
Therefore, it can be tremendously helpful to know the outward signs
of someone who is potentially pathological before you give him your
heart.
Here are five personality traits found in the type
of men you want to run, not walk, away from to avoid emotionally abusive
relationships.
1. Egocentric
There's
a word for this guy, and it's "narcissistic." Narcissists display a
confident, have-it-all-together mask for the world to see as a coping
mechanism for their deep pain. Though there is a spectrum of narcissism
that can range from a regular, self-centered person to someone
manipulative to someone who fits the criteria for a clinical diagnosis
of narcissistic personality disorder. No matter where he falls in this
pecking order, you'd better believe that in a relationship with an
overly-inflated man you are merely another object for him to display
solely for his own benefit. Run.
2. Suspiciously Charismatic
His
charisma is another part of the guise he puts on to masking who he
really is, and his knowledge of what women want to feel and hear ...
let's just say it's probably based on a lot of experience.
This guy knows how to say just the right words and touch you in just the
right way to get you hooked on him before you've had a chance to get to
know him and honestly evaluate the relationship. Run.
3. Apathetic
For the first few dates when
you're just getting to know each other, he might show a polite interest
in knowing more about you. However, if over time his interest in you as a
person — what makes you tick, how your day went, or what your needs are
— has dwindled down to practically nothing, he's likely to be more of
an energy drain on your than a source of mutual love in a relationship.
Run.
4. Belittling
He's
smart enough to know that downright insulting you would cause you to
jump ship immediately, but he might belittle you in sneaky ways in a
subtle attempt to gain power over you.
Be on the lookout for common toxic behaviors such as these:
- Giving you pet names that refer to your appearance or intelligence in a negative way
- Berating, insulting or ignoring your family and friends
- Treating you disrespectfully through actions like standing you up
- Not-so-cute shows of manly strength such as picking you up off the ground when this is something you have clearly told him you dislike
While
these "little things" may seem innocent enough, they are often a man's
way of gradually wearing down your self-esteem and manipulating you into
to accepting his bad his behavior by normalizing it. Run.
5. Gaslighting
This is an actual psychological term defined as "a
form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted
individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them
question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent
denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to
destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief."
Essentially,
it's a favorite tactic of abusive people that is intended to make
someone question their own reality to gain dominance over them. When a
gaslighter wants to wear you down, he will lie, deny, attempts to
confuse you, project his own problems on to you, and call you crazy —
and those are only a few examples.
A man using any of these manipulative techniques should sound a
significant alarm for you about a potential relationship with him. Run.
If
the guy you're talking to or dating displays any of these five
disturbing traits, run away from him as far as you can, and don't ever
consider looking back.
- By
Dina Robison
Expert
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