Three Kinds of Relationships

The importance of maintaining the right relationship cannot be overemphasized. The right relationship can literally transform your life because we are relational beings. In the same vein, the wrong relationship can destroy you.

There are three kinds of relationships that people get into.

We will be looking at these three kinds of relationships so you can decide for yourself if you are where you really want to be.

1. Negative or Parasitic Relationships
This is the kind of relationship where there is negative growth. When there is negative growth in relationships, yesterday is always better than today. The emotional bank account is always in deficit. That tells you something is wrong.

In negative relationships, abuse is usually common as one party tries to dominate the other. It is about gaining control over the other party in the relationship.

Me, myself and I are recurring decimals in a negative relationship and because there is little or no trust in such relationships, other negative vices show up – anger, rage, suspicions, accusations, fighting, etc.

Why do people stay in negative relationships?

Social status. The I-am-married mentality. They will continue to remain in a negative relationship just to be seen as being in a relationship. To them, a bad marriage is better than no marriage.

Religious Affiliation. Some religious sect will never allow separation even when there is obvious abuse going on.

The assumption that all relationships are like that. When you have never tasted heaven, you think everywhere is hell.

Learned Helplessness. They get to the point where they believe no one can help them anymore.

Presence of children: Where there are kids, they become the excuse for remaining in a negative relationship.

2. Neutral Relationships
This is where the majority of people who think they are in a happy relationship actually are.

In this category of relationship, there is little or no friction so the parties usually seem happy. There are no major issues, no major challenges, so they just maintain the status quo.

In Neutral relationships, there is considerable income that meets the needs of the family and we know that when money issues are met in the family, a large chunk of issues is taken care of.

Those in this category are usually happy because there are no abuses. They mistake neutral for positive, but they are not in a positive relationship.

The problem with Neutral relationships is that the absence of these issues is also an indication of a lack of growth and growth is very important in relationships.

Proof of lack of growth is the resistance to change. They will rather do everything just to maintain the present level of comfort than to adjust to a little discomfort. A relationship where the parties resist change is a neutral relationship.

Then there is a lack of drive. The desire to go after bigger goals is absent. There are no new projects in sight. The fear of failure is present in the relationship so “let’s just maintain what we have.”

In Neutral relationships, there is really nothing great to look out for. No new accomplishments, no new visions. The parties are what they still would have been without the relationship. In other words, the relationship has not really made a significant difference in the lives of the couple.

3. Positive or Synergic Relationships
This is the kind of relationship where both parties are fully committed to the growth of the relationship. It requires continuous effort from the parties in the relationship and continuous appraisals.

While there are negative frictions in negative relationships, in positive relationships there are positive frictions. Both parties want what is best for the relationship. They place the relationship over their personal interests.

In a positive relationship, your objective is to make your partner better while your partner’s objective is to make you better. This helps to build the trust that is lacking in negative relationships and where there is trust, those vices of rage, accusations, constant fighting, etc, are not present.

In a positive relationship, the partners are better together than they would have been as separate individuals.

There you have it, the three kinds of relationship. Which category will you place your relationship? Negative, Neutral, or Positive. The idea is for you to move towards a positive relationship.

If you want to achieve positive relationship, you must be a person of substance yourself. You cannot give what you don’t have. You must have the right resources to help you.

One of such resources is being in a community that is constantly growing. A community that will help you become the best version of yourself.

Thank you.