Effective people do what they intend, communicate with precision, impact people clearly, and change the status quo.
You know a highly effective person when you meet one. You know that
you've met an effective person when: you read a book that changes the
way you think, you hear a lecture from someone with
extraordinary clarity of mind, or you work for someone who makes
you want to perform better. They are people who
see opportunities where others see obstacles, who focus more on
solutions than problems, who simply get stuff done.
Though their traits are discernible, what may be less obvious are the
habits of your own that are preventing you from getting there too. Here
are some of the most significant – and often deceiving – things you
need to stop doing to become more effective in your own life.
1. Bully themselves.
“Willpower is for people who are still uncertain about what they want to do.” — Helia
If you constantly feel like you're forcing yourself into performing
better or doing more or "fixing" what's wrong in your life, mentally
bullying yourself with worrying about worst case scenarios, you're
shooting yourself in the foot. You are in an internal conflict with
yourself. You need to ask yourself: What are you moving toward, and
what's holding you back? Do you really want what you're trying
to force yourself to do? If you aren't naturally doing something you
want to be doing, there is a reason, and unlocking the subconscious
reason why is essential to moving forward.
2. Stay bitter.
"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel it's warmth." – African Proverb
If
there's something in your past that you think about regularly or that
you feel irrationally mad about, it would serve you to do some
self-reflection. Everyone has been rejected, made fun of or failed in
one way or another. If years later, you are still ruminating and trying
to convince yourself why such-and-such a situation is beneath you,
consider that it's because you feel you are still beneath it. A chip on your shoulder often makes you more petty than it does powerful.
3. Confuse comfort for happiness.
"Comfort leads to complacency. Complacency is the cause of
stagnation. Stagnation in your life leads to bed sores on your soul." —
Derek Doepker
Most people don't understand the difference between happiness and
comfort. Their brains literally cannot process it. They choose terrible
relationships, unproductive habits and stay in dead-end jobs because it
feels comfortable, and therefore, seems "right." When you only do what's
comfortable, you remain stuck in what you've known. When you press the
boundaries of your comfort to try something new, put yourself out there,
you start exploring what's possible. It all starts with your
willingness to leave your comfort zone.
4. Back people into corners.
"Anger is a projection from a powerless state." – Unknown
Effective people are discerning about how they communicate. They are
downboard thinkers, which means they consider how someone would respond to
them before they speak. This is why they are rarely aggressive, and
don't back people into corners. When people feel powerless, they become
angry. Anger makes your defenses go up, and therefore, makes you less
receptive to feedback or willing to make change.
5. Value too many opinions.
"Take the advice only of those you'd want to switch places with." – Unknown
The opinions of other people are like anchors. They are essential for
us to function: how other people will think and respond to us often
helps us self-regulate not acting in ways that would be hurtful or
malicious. However, when we care about too many opinions, we
anchor ourself to the point that we become stuck. This is to say: care
about the opinions of people who are closest to you, and with whom you
would want to switch places with in life. That is the advice that will
guide you best.
6. Accept excuses as justifications.
“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit
story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.” ―
Jordan Belfort
You are either doing what you need to be doing, or you are not. Your
excuses may feel real. Your justifications may be valid. They do not,
however, solve the dilemma of you still not being where you want and
need to be. If you are better at making excuses for your current lot in
life than you are working to change it, you will always be there. As Ayn
Rand says: “Rationalization is a process of not perceiving reality, but
of attempting to make reality fit one’s emotions.”
7. Believe everything they feel.
"Feelings aren't facts... They're feelings... And feelings lie all the time." – Rick Warren
In a world that instructs you to "follow your heart," "trust your
gut," and listen to your feelings, it's clear why it can be so confusing
to discern which you should really pay attention to. It can seem
invalidating to think that your feelings aren't facts, but in reality,
it is liberating. The feelings that we often believe are just the ones
that are the strongest. However, just because you strongly feel
that you are worthless, or disliked, or incapable, doesn't make it
true. Feelings are not mirrors of reality, they are mirrors of how we
are perceiving reality.
8. Overthink productivity.
“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.” ― Stephen King
There are so many resources on the Internet trying to coach you on
how to streamline your work and accomplish more in any given day.
Certainly different habits that help you organize and stay focused are
important, but what it comes down to is that you either get up and do
the work, or you don't. It's not something you should have to overthink.
9. Care about everything.
“Strong people alone know how to organize their suffering so as to bear only the most necessary pain.” – Emil Dorian.
It is not our time that is limited each day, it is our energy. We only have so much energy in our lives, and we can choose how we spend it. While some people only give their energy to one thing in their lives and neglect the other areas that require balance, it's more common for people to try to spread themselves too thin. You are not meant to do, or be, everything in a life. You do not have to care about everything. You do not have to look like a model and perform like a CEO and cook like a chef and have an Instagram like a photographer and date like an expert. You are better off choosing a handful of things that matter most and focusing your attention on them.
9. Play the victim.
“Having problems doesn't make you noble or virtuous, it makes you human. Nobility and virtue comes from the way that you handle your problems and either learn to move past them or live with them if out of your control.” ― Oli Anderson
Everyone is a victim of something at some point or another in their lives. Some of these transgressions are more traumatizing than others, certainly. However, playing the victim means taking one or two bad things that happened to you and letting them control the rest of your life. Adopting a victim mentality means you externalize your locus of control. People who empower themselves adopt an attitude of being willing to respond to their circumstances proactively, no matter how positive or negative they may be initially.
10. See challenges as finalities.
"The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible. We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations." — Charles R. Swindoll
Effective people are not intimidated or swayed by setbacks. Rather, they understand they are simply part of the process, and are to be expected. Rather than seeing challenges as defeating finalities, they gauge what can be learned from them, how the pain can improve their character in the long-term, and how they can respond in a way that will ensure the situation doesn't arise again. Their objective is not to ensure that nothing ever goes wrong, it is to make every experience an opportunity for growth, whether or not it is comfortable.
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“Strong people alone know how to organize their suffering so as to bear only the most necessary pain.” – Emil Dorian.
It is not our time that is limited each day, it is our energy. We only have so much energy in our lives, and we can choose how we spend it. While some people only give their energy to one thing in their lives and neglect the other areas that require balance, it's more common for people to try to spread themselves too thin. You are not meant to do, or be, everything in a life. You do not have to care about everything. You do not have to look like a model and perform like a CEO and cook like a chef and have an Instagram like a photographer and date like an expert. You are better off choosing a handful of things that matter most and focusing your attention on them.
9. Play the victim.
“Having problems doesn't make you noble or virtuous, it makes you human. Nobility and virtue comes from the way that you handle your problems and either learn to move past them or live with them if out of your control.” ― Oli Anderson
Everyone is a victim of something at some point or another in their lives. Some of these transgressions are more traumatizing than others, certainly. However, playing the victim means taking one or two bad things that happened to you and letting them control the rest of your life. Adopting a victim mentality means you externalize your locus of control. People who empower themselves adopt an attitude of being willing to respond to their circumstances proactively, no matter how positive or negative they may be initially.
10. See challenges as finalities.
"The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible. We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations." — Charles R. Swindoll
Effective people are not intimidated or swayed by setbacks. Rather, they understand they are simply part of the process, and are to be expected. Rather than seeing challenges as defeating finalities, they gauge what can be learned from them, how the pain can improve their character in the long-term, and how they can respond in a way that will ensure the situation doesn't arise again. Their objective is not to ensure that nothing ever goes wrong, it is to make every experience an opportunity for growth, whether or not it is comfortable.
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