No one's having fun on this water ride.

Shower sex sounds like a multitasker’s dream come true. But in reality
it's a waterboarding, mascara running, slippery death trap that will
leave you looking less Little Mermaid and more Samara from “The Ring.”
And women definitely get the short end of the soap-on-a-rope in this
scenario, too. Let me know how sexy you feel when you can't see anything
and water's shooting up your nose. It's hard to concentrate when your
head is repeatedly hitting the wall you're bracing yourself against,
too.
If, for some god-forsaken reason, you're considering fornicating in an
ocean, pond, or elsewhere…reconsider. It might seem romantic, but all
that water can lead to a lot of red, hot chafing as your natural
lubricants are washed away.
"Sex can be very uncomfortable in water," said Dr. Neha Bhardwaj, an
attending OB-GYN at Mt. Sinai St. Luke's Hospital. "It could cause
micro-abrasions or little tears inside the vagina," she said. Fun.
But that's not all! From a sexual health perspective, it's actually bad
for you: "The bacteria in a lake or a river can throw off a woman's PH,
causing yeast infections or vaginosis," Dr. Bhardwaj told the Daily
News.
And for those of you who somehow still believe that you can't get
knocked-up if you have sex in the water, listen to the good doctor's
appeal to your better judgement. "Please," she pleaded, "include that
you can get pregnant if you have unprotected sex in water."
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