YOU DO NOT HAVE TO STAY FRIENDS WITH AN EX - VANESSA ONYEMA:

What’s the angle when exes decide to bestie up?

Maturity has been trashed and misinterpreted in several ways, which I myself cannot comprehend. It’s kind of funny that when I decide that the best way to move out of a bad situation and regain my sanity, is always classified as immaturity.

One very unfortunate thing about feelings is that it is quite hard to kill it. Even the so-called maturity can never kill it. But you know what can try? Distance! And a lot of it.

When the reason for separation is on mutual grounds, it is okay to decide to stay friends. Maybe ‘hello’ and ‘how are you?’ But when it goes beyond that, it becomes a problem; you get stuck. You get hurt.

When it gets bad, you run.

Social media is so easy, but as humans we always choose to walk on the path of complication. Instead of rubbing the good life in each other’s faces, use the block button! If seeing stuff, gets your day cranked up, if it makes you feel bad and spend hours on a page with a rush of rage, use the block button!

It’s not immaturity, it’s smart thinking. You don’t need anyone seeing how happy you have become. You don’t need that kind of validation. If you need to show how much you have moved on, or how excessively happy you are, then that happiness is forced. Trust me if you are truly happy, it will be seen. It must not come from you.

Why stay friends with an ex when you are tearing apart inside? Why hang on to someone who probably didn’t see you worthy of a try, who didn’t think you deserved a second chance? Are you thinking a magical friendship will jump-start feelings?

The more you hang in there playing confidant and leaning shoulder, the more disposable you become. The more you try to play it cool, the more you find yourself as a sitting duck. You are pushed to talk about your feelings, because it never left. Then, it ends badly and puts you in a messy situation.

Whenever you become less available, less predictable, when your life can’t be quoted, that’s when you become important.

Don’t get me wrong: I am not saying be enemies, or possibly send a firing squad after an ex because of a broken heart, but keep your distance and heal with time.

You can stay friends after you heal, or better just move along with your life. An extra baggage of worry doesn’t help all because you want to prove your maturity.

A mature person is not one who does things because of approval, or what people will say. A mature person is one with a mind of their own.