You're at brunch with a bunch of friends, and one jokes she hasn't
gotten any action since Obama was in office. Cue: The rest of your
brunch crew jumping in to commiserate about their husband's schlubbiest
traits. Suddenly, you find yourself in a spiral of negative sex talk.
Bad relationship juju can be socially
transmittable. But luckily, there are ways to avoid it. Follow these
golden rules for keeping sex-negativity to a minimum.
Empathize—but don't add on
When
a friend is complaining about how annoying her husband can be, don't
jump in with dirty details of your guy's flaws. Instead, talk out how
both you and your pal could improve your dynamics, says therapist Ian
Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. Otherwise you'll find yourself furthering the worst narrative about your relationship.
Keep your stats to yourself
Your best friend and her SO have sex once a month and are fine with it. But there is no "normal" frequency,
and yours might be higher or lower—no shame in that! You don't have to
be a prude in these convos, but the comparison game can hurt everyone
involved. When in doubt, smile and nod.
Spend time around content couples
Make
a point of hanging out more with duos who have rapports you wouldn't
mind emulating, suggests Kerner. You know, couples who seem to actually
like and respect one another and still have a spark. That way, any
rubbing-off effect will be a positive force for your own bond.
This
article originally appeared in the March 2018 issue of Women's Health.
For more great advice, pick up a copy of the issue on newsstands now!
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