It’s easy to take life for granted. We assume we’ll live to be at
least 80, that our significant other will always be there for us, that
we’ll always have that job, that our coffee will always be hot, we’ll
always have lunch to eat, and that our dog will always come up to us
wagging its tail. But, on some level, we know none of that is true. We
know that everything is impermanent. We fall into the trap of acting
like things are permanent, that everything will stay the same. That our
comfort will always be exactly as it is. In other words, we lose touch
with “meaning in life” and fall into the trap of taking things for
granted.
Luckily, there are new solutions and insights on meaning we can benefit from.
Scientists have looked closely at the sources of meaning in life and
have tried to make sense of ways people like you and I search for and
discover meaning. What is it within us that connects with a life of
meaning? Across two studies separated by 13 years involving people from
different cultures, there were three core character strengths
that rose to the top as being most important for a meaningful life
(Peterson and colleagues, 2005; Wagner and colleagues, 2018). The 3
strengths are curiosity, gratitude, and spirituality.
Other strengths research
has shown that 2 of these 3 (curiosity and gratitude) are quite common.
They are among the most endorsed strengths across the globe (McGrath,
2015; Park and colleagues, 2006). This means many people relate to these
strengths and appreciate their potential. Here’s how these strengths
connect with meaning and how you can give each a quick boost right now.
Curiosity
If you are high in curiosity, you love
to explore what’s new and different. Novelty is your friend. Asking
questions is your default approach. Trying new foods, meeting new
people, and traveling to new places are ways you satisfy your curiosity
for life.
When you use curiosity to explore your world, your are searching,
wandering, and wondering – you are seeking adventures. In this way, you
are trying to make sense of your experiences and the world around you.
That type of sense-making is known as coherence and is a central element
of meaning in life.
Quick boost: During the next activity you do after finishing
this article, pay attention to 3 novel features of the activity. Use
your senses to notice small details you would normally take for granted.
If your next activity is to walk downstairs, pay attention to the
movement of your body and the placement of each foot on the ground. If
your next task is to check your email, pay attention to the muscles in
your thumb and fingers as they swiftly take action on your smart-phone
or keyboard. If your next task is to talk to a colleague, pay attention
to the expressions on their face, the speed of their words, and the
strengths they are using.
Gratitude
Gratitude goes
beyond expressing thanks to someone who has been nice to you or has
given you a gift. People who are grateful have a wide sense of
appreciation for life – they are grateful for their own life, even if
they are amidst struggles. They are quick to catch themselves taking
life for granted. They can rapidly shift their focus from autopilot
mindlessness to mindful attention of what is good around them.
Quick boost: After you finish reading this article, pause
and count your blessings. This means to be grateful for at least two
people or recent situations that happened that you have taken for
granted. Be specific. Perhaps you’re grateful you felt a burst of energy
this morning? Perhaps you’re grateful for the creativity
your spouse showed in a recent conversation? Perhaps you’re grateful
you live in today’s technology world where you can communicate with
loved ones in a matter of seconds?
Spirituality
Spirituality has
been defined consistently as the search for or communing with the
sacred. What is sacred is unique to each person. Common examples include
spending one-on-one time with your child, participating in a religious ritual, observing someone else’s kindness, or being present to the beauty of nature.
Meaning in life fits this strength like glove in hand. If you are
spending time consciously engaging in what you believe as sacred,
special, or holy, it would be nearly impossible to not view that as
meaningful at the same time. When we imbue something as sacred we are
pressing meaning-filled intentions and energy in that direction. We are
obliterating the taking-life-for-granted-effect. My sacred times laughing with my children, marveling at a tree on a meditation retreat, and leading a strengths exercise for students are also meaning-filled times.
Quick boost: As you look to transition from reading this
article to perusing online or doing another activity, pause for a
moment. Look for the sacred in this moment. What is special about this
particular moment? It’s another moment you’re alive, capable of feeling
your breathing. It’s another moment you have the power of choice to do
what you want to do. It’s a moment you can use your strengths to do
good. That’s special. That’s sacred. That’s your spirituality strength.
Use these three character strengths to enhance your life meaning and overcome the taking-life-for-granted-effect now!
AUTHOR
Ryan M. Niemiec, Psy.D., is the education director at the VIA Institute on Character.
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