The
newly coined term “dead bedroom” describes a relationship that remains sexless
for an extended period of time—as in, months or, yikes, years. And it’s
incredibly common.
Not only is there an entire (very active) reddit thread devoted to
"dead bedroom,"but 51
percent of respondents (18 to 65 years old) in a recent survey by BodyLogicMD reported a
dry spell that ended within a year. What's more, 39 percent
reported theirs lasting between one and five years.
What’s even more eye-opening?
The causes: Stress at work topped the list of reasons why people got into sex
draughts, while weight gain came in second. But both problems can be fixed by
addressing the third culprit: a lack of communication.
If you’re overwhelmed at the
office or down on yourself, talking to a therapist can help lift confidence and
ease worries so you not only feel sexier but can better express your
needs.
·
A
"dead bedroom" relationship is when a couple is in a sex rut and
hasn't had sex for an extended period of time.
·
Dead
bedroom relationships are incredibly common: More than half of
respondents in a recent survey said they have been in a sex dry
spell.
·
Common
causes for sex ruts include work stress and weight gain, according to the
survey.
1. Some part of me still believes sex is wrong
‘I had been married to my husband for four years when our sex life came to a complete stop. We got married at 21 (we are both very religious) and our sex life was tense from the beginning. I had been raised with very strong beliefs about sex, namely that you absolutely do not have it until you’re married. My mother would also always say things that alluded to sex being really dirty and “ruining” you. When my husband and I got married, we were both excited to have sex, but from the very first time, my anxiety got the better of me. He was really patient and kind, and I think it helped that he is very religious too. But eventually our once-a-week sex became once a month, until we stopped having it altogether. It’s been eight months since we’ve done it. We’re busy discussing whether we should go to a couples counselor. I hate the term “dead bedroom” so much. It makes it sound as though the relationship is lifeless. I love my husband and I love our life, there’s just one aspect that needs work.’
2. I have vaginismus
‘And it has been the single most frustrating and emotionally draining thing I’ve dealt with in my adult life. My boyfriend has known about it since we started dating two years ago. When we met I was in therapy and working with dilators to try improve the condition. But the results weren’t really motivating me enough to continue and I pretty much gave up. I haven’t had sex in six months. I know I should go back to therapy, but I don’t feel strong enough right now. My partner is great, he’s very patient. But we’re 30-something years old and I want to have normal sexual experiences like everyone else. So I definitely will prioritise this again when I feel I have the strength.’
3. My husband cheated on me
‘And I took him back. I love him a lot, obviously, and I’ve tried my best to forgive him. But I can’t seem to forgive him enough to be intimate again. We’ve had a dead bedroom for just over a year. There are days where I feel convinced this will cause him to cheat again. There are other days where I actually just don’t care. I used to believe we had an amazing sex life, but since he cheated I can’t help thinking I must have been wrong. It’s shaken my confidence and I don’t know how to move on from it.’
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