How to be hot in bed

All is not about sex in marriage but sex plays a very important role in the happiness of the two people involved in a marriage. That is why every couple must look into how to improve on their sexual life at all times, because as somebody once said, the only room that can never get filled up is the room for improvement. 

 

However good a couple’s sexual life is, it can always get better. The truth is, in life, nothing is meant to be stagnant. Everything living thing is meant to either be growing or dying. Anything that is stagnant is actually dying because growth signifies life and marriage relationship is not an exception. 

As your relationship with your spouse is increasing in years, your knowledge of your spouse is expected to be increasing, your level of intimacy is expected to be getting better and your sexual life is expected to be getting richer. But the question is, is this the situation with you and your spouse? The answer in many homes is NO! And it is so because things don’t just get better with time. Only the things we work on get better with time. It takes a conscious effort on the part of the two people involved in a marriage for things to get better. It is not automatic. Many couples’ sexual life deteriorates with time rather than get better and they accept it as normal. 

A 76-year-old American, with a wife who is three or four years younger, was asked how often he made love to his wife, and he smilingly replied, “At least three times a week!” And he added, “Now that I’m retired, we have more time for that sort of thing.”  If this same question is put to the average Nigerian man, I’m not sure his response will be the same. Even if he would have loved to, his wife might not have made it possible, because over here, it is believed that even before you are near that age, you ought to have retired from anything called sex and be moving from the home of one child to the other helping to nurse your grand-children.

A new year has just begun and this time of the year is known for making resolutions. There is no better time to resolve in your heart to make your marriage a better one than now. And one key to ensuring this is to work on making every sexual relationship with your spouse a memorable one for both of you. This, you will achieve, by improving your sexual performance and tactics. Great sex like every other great achievement starts in the mind. 

Create a love-filled and romantic atmosphere

Achieving better performance does not start in bed; it starts with you creating a love-filled and romantic atmosphere that is conducive for fire to spark between you and your spouse at every unexpected moment. To ensure a love-filled and romantic atmosphere in the home, you must “stay in touch” with your spouse. This will entail you touching him/her, speaking through eye contact, sitting together to watch television, sending text messages and so forth. You and your spouse must also create room for proper communication and this requires that you respect each other’s views. Never explain away any complaint from your partner as this brings about tension, rather than romance. Resolve all conflicts quickly, however difficult this may be. Never sweep any conflict under the carpet for this will amount to postponing the evil day. Learn the art of playing and cracking jokes with each other for this enhances intimacy and prepares you emotionally for sexual acts.

Have a frank talk with your spouse

Frank talk between a couple that is working towards better marital relationship and better sexual performance will afford them the opportunity of ironing out whatever might have been constituting hindrance to achieving these goals in time past. This is because rather than assuming what pleases or displeases your spouse, it gives you the opportunity to hear from him/her what you have been doing that you need to stop doing, and what you should do that you have not been doing. This will go a long way to make things better between you. It is wrong assumption for you to think you are satisfying your spouse. 

 Be love-driven rather than passion-driven

In satisfying your sexual urge, it is important you do not create the impression that you are only driven by your passion to satisfy your sexual urge and not by your love for your spouse. Many men create do not take into consideration what they need to do and how they need to go about having sex with their wife that will not just satisfy their sexual urge, but also satisfy their wife as well. Sex is for mutual satisfaction, and whatever will make the satisfaction mutual should be pursued by the two.

Treat her like a bride

Because men usually don’t have problem of sexual arousal and reaching orgasm due to their body make up, it is usually the woman that needs to be worked on to make sexual arousal and orgasm a reality. Therefore, every man should help his wife to make this a reality by treating her always as a new bride. It is true every woman is not a bride but every woman want to be treated as one even by her husband of 20 years. Can you remember how you did it the first night?

You reduced the room light to the barest minimum.

You played soft music.

You gently undressed her and you did it in stages.

You passed compliments on her that made her feel so special she didn’t want to leave your arms.

You spent enough time on foreplay as if you had all the whole time in the world to spend with her and her alone.

You entered her so gently and did it so softly that she never felt anything better like it before.

Even though she didn’t experience an orgasm, you made her enjoy the warmth of your embrace several minutes after the intercourse and it didn’t matter to her if the whole world had crumbled.

But now, you do it as if you are in a hurry to have what you want and the moment you are through, you roll off, and the next minute, you are snoring. 

Treat him like a groom

You remember what it was like when you newly got married. You took time to prepare yourself for your husband. You went an extra mile to make yourself attractive to him. You were careful in choosing what you wore. Your night dress was one he could not resist. But now, those things no longer matter to you. This year, you must go back to treating your man like you did when you newly got married to him.

Experiment with new styles

This is also a time to try new sex styles. This creates great excitement for the couple as they explore better ways of deriving sexual satisfaction for each other. It’s like eating a type of food in many ways. For instance, eating beans as moinmoin, akara, beans soup (gbegiri), and so forth. So, use this period to make life more beautiful for yourselves by breaking new grounds in love making. You can also try new locations and different times of the day; if you have always done it at night, try during the day. If it has always been in your house, you can go for a ‘retreat’ with your loved one. All these will help in renewing your commitment to one another. 

Educate yourself on the art of lovemaking

Readiness to learn the art of lovemaking by every couple will make them masters at the act, and thus make them to ‘live happily forever thereafter.’ Dr. Ed Wheat of Springdale, Arkansas, United States of America, once said, “If you do what comes naturally in lovemaking, almost every time you will be wrong.” This is because like every other physical activity in life, the art of lovemaking must be learnt. That is why couples must invest in literatures, seminars and conferences, and programmes where such knowledge is imparted. After all, without sexual fulfilment, a person is not complete.