Staying together for the long haul doesn’t necessarily mean action in
the bedroom has to suffer. In fact, knowing each other so well can
actually make things even hotter in that arena.
Need proof? We spoke to real couples, all of whom have been together
for 10 years or longer and rank their sex lives very highly. Lucky for
you, they were willing to share their secrets.
“My husband travels a lot for work,” says Marianne,* 39, who has been married for 15 years, “so we ‘bookend’ it. We have sex before he leaves and right when he gets back.”
Chet* and Tina,* 49 and 47, respectively, who have been together 16 years, also schedule sex when they have to travel.
“If Tina is leaving for a trip, she’ll stop by the house on her way
to the airport from work to ‘get some’ before flying,” says Chet, “or
we’ll plan to have sex after church if I have to leave on a Sunday.”
“The secret to keeping sex exciting is making sure the lines of communication are open,” says Alisa, 40, who has been married for 18 years.
“Tony didn’t always know how to give me an orgasm.
When I made the decision to talk to him about what does work, we
reached a whole new level of intimacy. I wasn’t waiting for him to
‘figure it out’ anymore; sharing has made both of us better lovers.”
Related: How to Talk To Your Wife About Sex
“We’ve been married for 11 years and have
three children, but my husband and I still have fun, just like we did
when we were dating,” says Caroline,* 39.
“We still ‘do it’ on the floor, even though we have a California king
[bed]. Every now and then when he’s working from home, I’ll interrupt
him in stilettos and a robe, or I’ll quickly flash him when we’re out
and no one’s looking. When he tries to playfully grope me, I don’t swat
him away—it keeps the spark alive.”
Related: 11 Things You Should Put On Your Sex Bucket List
“Basically, I’m the man in the relationship
and just want to do ‘wham bam thank you ma’am,’ but my husband isn’t
like that,” says Meredith,* 37, who has been married for 10 years.
“Rich* is a generous lover. He takes his time and makes sure I’m enjoying myself. Once we get started, I tend to forget that I ever wanted a quickie.”
“Some of our most mind-blowing sessions were essentially out in the open where we could have been caught,” says Chet, 49, who has been with his wife for 16 years.
“Once we were on vacation, taking advantage of two-for-one piña
coladas while we watched the sunset. Next thing I knew, my wife was
straddling me, bathing suit pushed aside, and we were looking out for people walking by!”
Related: The Risky Sex Trend More Couples Are Trying
“We take turns initiating sex,” says Alisa,
“because we’ve found that in most relationships only one person
initiates and that can lead to a power struggle and feelings of
rejection.
“We had to work out which days were better for us. Tony initiates
Sunday through Tuesday, and I’m on call Wednesday through Friday.
Saturday is either a day of rest or a bonus day!”
Related: 7 Scientific Ways to Turn a Woman On
“I will Google things like ‘how to be more
intimate with your husband,’” says Erika,* 32, who has been with her
husband for 14 years.
Adds Sharon,* 37, who has been married for 11 years: “I felt a lot friskier after my book club read Fifty Shades of Grey.
A big part of the main character Christian Grey’s method is keeping the
girl waiting. Sometimes it would be all foreplay and then he wouldn’t
even have sex with her.
“I applied that concept to my sex life and have loved the longer buildup. The waiting makes the actual sex more satisfying.”
Related: A Guide to Watching Porn With Your Wife or Girlfriend
“Quantity has nothing to do with quality,” says Patricia, 50, who has been married for 14 years.
“My husband and I continue to find new levels of intensity. For us,
it’s about treating sex as an opportunity to discover something new. The
key to having a fulfilling long-term sex life is to shift your focus
away from excitement, and focus instead on the richness and texture in
every experience. There’s always the potential to be surprised.”
(Get our of your sex rut with these 8 tips.)
“For the first 11 years of marriage, things were just OK,” says Alisa.
“We were more like roommates raising children together than lovers.
Then, after hearing about other couples doing similar things, we
embarked on a Sixty Days of Sex challenge. The result of putting each
other first continues to impact our sex life
today. Now we have sex at least twice a week, and we talk about sex
more—what we like, what feels good. We flirt with each other more.”
“We know what the other likes and provide
it,” says Chet. “There are certain things that make each of us ecstatic,
but we don’t do them every time we make love. That’s what makes them
special.”
Adds Patricia: “It’s great to have a ‘bag of tricks’ that you know
will work most of the time, but beyond that, familiarity with your
partner’s sexuality gives you a template to work from.”
Related: The Best Positions For Her Orgasm
“I remember gaining 40 pounds with my first
pregnancy and feeling so unattractive,” says Sharon, “but my sweet
husband still wanted to have sex with me, and always made a point of
telling me how sexy and beautiful I was.”
Related: What It’s Really Like to Have Sex After She Gives Birth
“There was a time when I felt like sex was a
one-way street, but it turns out our problems stemmed from issues
outside the bedroom,” says Erika.
“My husband was worried about finances and other things that took his
mind off sex completely. That bothered me and made me feel like I
wasn’t good enough, but we tackled those issues head-on. Now we’re past
that, and our sex life is great again.”
“The first time we had sex, Tina put so much pressure on herself to please me that it didn’t work out,” says Chet.
“Now we know each other so well that we can just have fun. Sex is
never a chore. Sometimes we laugh so hard we have to stop, and that’s
OK. And some of our most intimate moments are us simply lying in bed
together entwined.”
“My wife’s feet are an incredibly powerful
erogenous zone, and a foot rub with lotion is sometimes more stimulating
to her than when I go down on her,” explains Chet. (Check out these 7 erogenous zones you’ve been neglecting way too long.)
Adds Patricia, “My husband and I usually take a bath together to transition into sex.”
“Being body confident
can be challenging as you age,” says Olivia,* 45, “but I think this is
when the long-term trust component comes into play. We’ve been together
for 11 years and made a healthy, happy sex life
a priority early on in our relationship. We agreed that though growing
older may mean learning new ways to have good sex—creaky joints and
all—we are not willing to give up or settle for anything less.”
Jennifer, 41, who has been with her husband for 15 years, agrees. “We
don’t stress about our bodies. In fact, we laugh about the crazy sounds
they make!”
*Names have been changed.
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