Are you ready to rumble?
Not every fantasy is something we actually want to happen IRL, says
Morse. Take a threesome, for example. If your partner imagines
themselves involved in one, find out specifics about the fantasy: Who's
the third party? What’s the setting? What positions do you try? You can
still act out a threesome with just the two of you by talking about it
during sex, says Morse. “This can actually be way safer and hotter than
the actual menage a trois.”
This one might seem super-private, says Emily Morse,
Ph.D., host of the Sex With Emily podcast. But knowing what kinds of
toys your partner uses, and how they stimulate themselves, can give you a
clear idea of how to please each other, she explains. Is he into
prostate stimulation? Does she use lube and a finger vibrator? “It’s
like a road map to pleasure,” Morse says. The next step is to try some mutual masturbation so
you can watch and learn, Morse suggests. “Mutual masturbation is one of
my favorite kinds of foreplay because it’s educational and a huge
turn-on at the same time,” she says.
Make a mental map of your personal hotspots and share it with your lover
when you’re in bed, Brame says. Whether that’s your neck or upper
thighs, tell him where you want more stimulation.
Sometimes one partner may need to be nurtured to feel intimately
connected, Richmond says. "That may require slower intercourse with lots
of stroking and cuddling,
maybe even loving words exchanged," she says. Other times, the couple
may feel a need for more adventurous, passionate intercourse, which
could mean rougher, faster sex and dirty talk, she says.
Sex therapist Gloria Brame,
Ph.D., says letting your partner know upfront what kind of sex you’re
in the mood for allows him to adjust to you. "Women are often afraid to
ask for what they want, but most men are more than happy to play along,"
Brame says. And that means better orgasms all around, she says.
Real talk: Some men think sex toys are
an insult to their package, says Brame. But many women don’t orgasm
from vaginal intercourse alone. “If you plan to stay with your partner,
you need to help him get past his toy aversion,” she says. If he's
hesitant, just tell him that vibrators are a normal enhancement in
coupled sex that make for a more orgasmic, intimate experience. How
could he not want to give it a try? (Try one you'll both enjoy—like this vibrating ring from the Women's Health Boutique.)
This is perhaps one of the most important things to get feedback on, says Holly Richmond,
Ph.D., and a certified sex therapist and marriage and family counselor.
Many men prefer a stronger, massage-like caress, she explains. Women
may prefer long strokes or light touch, she says. “It’s also important
to know how a person likes to be touched on their non-erogenous zones
versus how they like their genitals touched,” she says. “The best route
to better, hotter, more connected sex is to know what you like, and ask
for it.”
Before you can have mind-blowing sex with your partner, you need to
define what that means for yourself, Morse says. “Having this
conversation with a partner is an effective jumping-off point for
getting the sex you truly want,” Morse says. By being prepared to answer
this question before you ask your partner, you'll get his mind working
on how to please you, she says.
“If you get to talking in an intimate setting, it’ll definitely set
you both on track to hit all the right sexual buttons,” Morse says.
Women's health
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