“You’ll know you’ve made the right decision when there is peace
in your heart. Stop listening to what the world says you should do.
Start listening to your own heart. There are only a few people in this
world who will stay completely true to you, and YOU should be one of
them. Listen to your own voice, your own soul, too many people listen to
the noise of the world, instead of themselves. Deep inside, you know
what you want, let no one decide that for you.” –Unknown
Making Decisions
When I was growing up I always seemed to choose friends who were
“bossy.” They usually knew what they wanted and made all the decisions,
and I tended to go along with it. As I grew older, I started to make new
friends who were a little more like me: easygoing and not insistent on
having the final say. Making plans with these friends would sound
something like this:
Me: “Where do you want to go out?”
Friend: “I don’t know. Where do you want to go?”
Me: “I don’t know. What are you in the mood for?”
Friend: “I don’t know. What are you in the mood for?”
That type of conversation
would go on for a while. I came to realize
that the reason I had always made friends with people who would quickly
make decisions about what we would do, is so that I wouldn’t have to. I
was so indecisive that even choosing what I wanted to eat was a
challenge, so I found it easier to let someone else choose for me. When
it comes to simple choices, like where to go eat or what movie to see,
isn’t such a big deal to push the decision on someone else. But when it
comes to the big choices in life, it can become an issue.
Can you relate to me on this one? Do you believe you lack the ability
to make decisions? Do you find yourself asking other people, “What
should I do?” “Where should we go to dinner?” “What’s the best
decision?” If you’re in a position of having to make a choice in a
situation, do you go around asking things like, “What would you do?” Do
you poll your smartest friends, family members, and colleagues to help
you make the final decision?
Reasons You May Have a Hard Time Making Decisions
People usually struggle to make choices because they don’t believe in
their ability to think for themselves; they believe other people are
more capable of making the “right” choice for them. When this is the
case, they pawn off small and major decisions to others so they can feel
more confident in their decisions. The problem with this is that it
gives other people control. If you hand over the responsibility of
choosing to other people, you let them take over your choices and
actions, which you should be taking on yourself. Instead, you should
learn to trust in yourself and your ability to make the best choices for
you. No one else can make the right choices for you; it’s something you
must do for yourself.
One way to take ownership of your life is to take control of your
decisions rather than handing them off to others. This will give you a
sense of pride in the choices you make and their potential outcomes.
Some people have a hard time making major decisions because they
don’t want to take responsibility for their lives and the results of
their choices. You may think, “My husband, wife, partner, parent,
or friend made the final decision, so it’s their fault, not mine if
things don’t go well.” But the reality is, even if you try to blame the
person who made the choices for you, as an adult, you’re still
responsible for going along with them. Saying, “Well, he made me do it”
no longer works once you’re over the age of 18. Therefore, it’s
invaluable to take responsibility for yourself, and one way to do it is
by being accountable for your choices, actions, and decisions. Even if
you have someone else make your decisions for you, you’re still
responsible for what happens, because you chose to go along with another
person’s decision; no one forced you to do anything.
Indecisiveness
“Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.” –Denis Waitley
If you don’t start to take initiative in your own life, you’ll end up
becoming a prisoner of your indecisiveness. You’ll limit your future
opportunities, not allowing yourself to be open to changes that could
enhance your life based on what you want. Here are some tips on how to
kick the habit of indecisiveness:
1. Don’t try to overthink the outcomes of your decisions.
Contrary to what we tend to think, it is almost impossible to calculate
future outcomes, because people and life are very unpredictable.
Therefore, making decisions is usually a crapshoot. Don’t get me wrong,
it’s still useful to have confidence
in the decisions you make; but it’s important to be aware that you have
no control over the outcome of them. So don’t overthink things.
2. Don’t make decisions purely on impulse. Some
people get so tired of thinking out all the possible outcomes of their
choices that they immediately make decisions on impulse instead of
dealing with the rough process of making a decision. It’s okay to make a
decision quickly; it can sometimes be better than making no decision at
all. However, if you have a history of making the wrong choices based
on impulse, it’s better to think it out a little more.
3. Do what scares you. Those who follow the path that they believe will have the least conflict, struggle, or risk usually have zero faith in themselves. This leads them to make the wrong decision out of a fear
of failure. When making decisions, you should go with the one that
scares you. Author Caroline Myss said it best: “Always go with the
choice that scares you the most, because that’s the one that is going to
help you grow.”
4. Follow a balance between listening to your mind and trusting your instincts.
When it comes to making the right decisions for yourself, you need to
follow both your mind and your instincts. The best outcomes come from
striking a good balance between the two. Logic alone will convince you
to make the safer choice, which may not allow you to follow your
passions. You also may end up stuck making no decision because you’ll
convince yourself that more information will help make the choice
easier. On the other hand, going completely with your gut feelings can lead you to make impulsive
decisions. That’s why it’s important to listen to all aspects of your
Self when making major decisions. As the saying goes, “Listen to your
heart, but take your brain with you.”
5. Think about a time you said yes to something that turned out to be a great choice.
How did you feel when you were making that choice? How did you come to
that conclusion? Think about what made it a great choice. Looking back
at the positive decisions you’ve made will allow you to see that you’re
capable of making good decisions. Once you realize that you’ll be able
to find the decision-making
strategy that works best for you. I find that I don’t feel much
hesitation when I’m making a good decision; I feel centered when I’m
confident in my choices.
6. Choose what will give you more options in the future.
No one wants to feel stuck limited in the choices available to them.
Some decisions limit your flexibility and may cause more unnecessary stress
in the future. Try to make the decision that may be the hardest one to
go with at first but is likely to pay off in the long run. Allow the
excitement about who you can be overcome your fear of making a difficult
choice.
7. Ask the Miracle Question. When it’s time to make a tough decision, ask yourself the Miracle Question from Solution-Focused Brief Therapy:
“Suppose tonight, while you slept, a miracle occurred. When you awake
tomorrow, what would be some of the things you would notice that would
tell you life had suddenly gotten better?” By asking yourself this
question, you can fast forward to a future in which the decision has
already been made, helping you determine whether it’s the right choice
for you.
When we find ourselves in a dilemma over making a major decision, our
logical mind sometimes convinces us that we need more time, need to ask
more people, aren’t yet ready to decide. This may leave us paralyzed in
fear of making the wrong decision. When we feel stuck in this way, we
don’t make any forward motion. Even deciding not to make a decision is a
form of decision-making; therefore, it’s important to go with whatever
your mind and instincts are telling you. Listen to that inner voice that
chimes in when necessary, because if you’re open to it, you’ll be able
to hear it tell you what it is you really want. Once you know what you
want, your logical mind can make it happen in a way that has better
consequences for your future.
When it comes to making decisions, don’t be afraid to make mistakes,
to fail and fall, because a lot of the time, the best decisions come
from doing what scares you the most. The likelihood is that making the
difficult choices will produce the outcomes you’re looking for. Although
there’s no way of knowing where life will lead you, it’s important to
honor and respect yourself enough to make your own decisions.
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