Whether you first heard the term "skoliosexual"
on Tinder or you still think it has something to do with the back
condition scoliosis (no shade), one thing’s for sure: There are a
helluva lot more ways to describe your desires and attractions than just
straight, gay, or bisexual.
"We’re in the
middle of a larger revolution in gender and sexual identity labeling,"
says
Phillip Hammack, PhD, psychology professor at the University of
California Santa Cruz who studies sexuality and gender issues. "There’s
new language popping up left and right."
Enter skoliosexual: an attraction to people who identify as nonbinary or to anyone who doesn’t identify as cisgender
(male or female), explains Debra Laino, PhD, a clinical sexologist,
relationship therapist, and professor at Jefferson University and
Wilmington University. Often, that means an attraction to people who use
the gender-neutral pronoun "they."
"It’s very fluid in the sense that there’s not an
attraction to specific genitalia," Laino adds. Instead, you're attracted
to how other people view their place (or lack of place) on the gender
spectrum. Being skoliosexual is similar to being pansexual—an
attraction to all genders—in that you aren’t necessarily turned on by
penises or vaginas (it’s all fair game). But unlike pansexuality, if
you're skoliosexual, you aren’t into people who identify as a specific gender.
Let’s break it down further.
Skoliosexual is a pretty new term.
Skoliosexual
has barely entered the Twittersphere, though academics have heard
whispers of it for a few years thanks to their college students. It
makes sense that the term didn’t exist, say, 10 years ago, because we
weren't talking about nonbinary genders then, either.
"It’s accompanying this huge rise in the number of young people who identify as gender nonbinary
or genderqueer," explains Hammack, who points out that there’s not much
data on how many people identify as skoliosexual. "Skoliosexual emerged
as a way for people to describe a new sexual orientation."
Skoliosexual can mean different things to different people.
There’s
plenty of variation among people who identify as skoliosexual as to
what it means to them. "Some skoliosexuals may be attracted strictly to
trans people, and some may be attracted to somebody who’s genderqueer,"
Laino points out.
Being into people who don’t identify as male or female isn’t the same as being turned on by people who don’t outwardly look feminine
or masculine. If you’re skoliosexual, you may have a partner who looks
totally manly but is genderqueer. Or maybe you're crushing on someone
who comes across as feminine, but rejects the gender binary. You could
also be into someone who looks androgynous. The point is that being
skoliosexual isn’t about attraction to appearance.
Ultimately,
if you identify with the term, it's important to be clear with
potential partners about what being skoliosexual means to you.
Being skoliosexual doesn’t necessarily reflect your gender identify.
Let’s
review: Gender identity (cisgender, transgender, nonbinary,
genderqueer, etc.) and sexual orientation (gay, straight, bisexual,
pansexual, skoliosexual, etc.) are two completely different things. So,
while it’s certainly possible that people who identify as nonbinary are
also attracted to people who identify as nonbinary (see hot celeb couple
alert Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers), you can also identify as a
woman and be skoliosexual.
The term also doesn’t reflect your preference for or belief in relationship arrangements. "You can be cisgender, skoliosexual, and polyamorous all at the same time," says Laino.
Being skoliosexual may contribute to greater relationship intimacy.
Because
of the whole "it’s not about looks" thing, it stands to reason that
being skoliosexual can mean forging more emotionally intimate
relationships. "There may not be this superficial, 'OMG you’re hot,
let’s f-ck' [attitude]," says Laino. At the very least, being
skoliosexual means you have to actually know—not just see—a person
before falling for them. "It’s sort of about an attraction to deep
characteristics of a person," Hammack adds. "It’s connected to
authenticity."
You can be skoliosexual but not want to use the term to define yourself.
Of
course, even if you feel like the term skoliosexual resonates with you,
it’s totally up to you if you want to claim it. For some people, any
label can feel more limiting than liberating. "Labels are the first
step in helping people feel less isolated or alone in this world," says
Laino. "The next step is recognizing that we’re human, and we’re
diverse. You like who you like, you’re attracted to who you’re attracted
to."
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