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Monday, February 25, 2019

What Does ‘Skoliosexual’ Mean?

Whether you first heard the term "skoliosexual" on Tinder or you still think it has something to do with the back condition scoliosis (no shade), one thing’s for sure: There are a helluva lot more ways to describe your desires and attractions than just straight, gay, or bisexual.


"We’re in the middle of a larger revolution in gender and sexual identity labeling," says
Phillip Hammack, PhD, psychology professor at the University of California Santa Cruz who studies sexuality and gender issues. "There’s new language popping up left and right."

Enter skoliosexual: an attraction to people who identify as nonbinary or to anyone who doesn’t identify as cisgender (male or female), explains Debra Laino, PhD, a clinical sexologist, relationship therapist, and professor at Jefferson University and Wilmington University. Often, that means an attraction to people who use the gender-neutral pronoun "they."


"It’s very fluid in the sense that there’s not an attraction to specific genitalia," Laino adds. Instead, you're attracted to how other people view their place (or lack of place) on the gender spectrum. Being skoliosexual is similar to being pansexual—an attraction to all genders—in that you aren’t necessarily turned on by penises or vaginas (it’s all fair game). But unlike pansexuality, if you're skoliosexual, you aren’t into people who identify as a specific gender.
Let’s break it down further.

Skoliosexual is a pretty new term.

Skoliosexual has barely entered the Twittersphere, though academics have heard whispers of it for a few years thanks to their college students. It makes sense that the term didn’t exist, say, 10 years ago, because we weren't talking about nonbinary genders then, either.
"It’s accompanying this huge rise in the number of young people who identify as gender nonbinary or genderqueer," explains Hammack, who points out that there’s not much data on how many people identify as skoliosexual. "Skoliosexual emerged as a way for people to describe a new sexual orientation." 

Skoliosexual can mean different things to different people.

There’s plenty of variation among people who identify as skoliosexual as to what it means to them. "Some skoliosexuals may be attracted strictly to trans people, and some may be attracted to somebody who’s genderqueer," Laino points out. 

Being into people who don’t identify as male or female isn’t the same as being turned on by people who don’t outwardly look feminine or masculine. If you’re skoliosexual, you may have a partner who looks totally manly but is genderqueer. Or maybe you're crushing on someone who comes across as feminine, but rejects the gender binary. You could also be into someone who looks androgynous. The point is that being skoliosexual isn’t about attraction to appearance.
Ultimately, if you identify with the term, it's important to be clear with potential partners about what being skoliosexual means to you.

Being skoliosexual doesn’t necessarily reflect your gender identify.

Let’s review: Gender identity (cisgender, transgender, nonbinary, genderqueer, etc.) and sexual orientation (gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, skoliosexual, etc.) are two completely different things. So, while it’s certainly possible that people who identify as nonbinary are also attracted to people who identify as nonbinary (see hot celeb couple alert Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers), you can also identify as a woman and be skoliosexual.

The term also doesn’t reflect your preference for or belief in relationship arrangements. "You can be cisgender, skoliosexual, and polyamorous all at the same time," says Laino.

Being skoliosexual may contribute to greater relationship intimacy.

Because of the whole "it’s not about looks" thing, it stands to reason that being skoliosexual can mean forging more emotionally intimate relationships. "There may not be this superficial, 'OMG you’re hot, let’s f-ck' [attitude]," says Laino. At the very least, being skoliosexual means you have to actually know—not just see—a person before falling for them. "It’s sort of about an attraction to deep characteristics of a person," Hammack adds. "It’s connected to authenticity."

You can be skoliosexual but not want to use the term to define yourself.

Of course, even if you feel like the term skoliosexual resonates with you, it’s totally up to you if you want to claim it. For some people, any label can feel more limiting than liberating. "Labels are the first step in helping people feel less isolated or alone in this world," says Laino. "The next step is recognizing that we’re human, and we’re diverse. You like who you like, you’re attracted to who you’re attracted to."

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