Avoiding disagreements during wedding preparations

Helen patted her face absentmindedly. She glanced at the phone for the umpteenth time and sighed. It was a day before her wedding and Bidemi had been acting up. They had fought again three days ago about his decision to wear a particular pair of shoes. She wanted to try and talk to him but in-between last minute preparations, she couldn’t find time. From beauty treatment to the hair stylist, trying out the dress a thousand and one times, contacting the caterer, etc, she felt beyond swamped. Unconsciously, tears rolled down her eyes. 

 

Many brides and grooms constantly find themselves drawing apart as they prepare for their wedding. No matter how prepared they seem to be, as the D-day draws close, they find themselves constantly arguing about many issues, sometimes largely irrelevant. To ensure a smooth wedding ceremony, it is important to reduce these rifts to the barest minimum.

Delegate responsibilityNo man is an island. As terrible as some people seem to be, they are usually surrounded by loved ones when the wedding bells begin to jingle. As a result, it is necessary for the bride and groom to be able to determine who can handle what, besides themselves, to reduce the stress of excessive burden. Engage siblings, parents, relatives, friends and even friends and relatives of friends (based on recommendations from someone trusted) to take up activities such as sending out invitations, wedding announcements, putting together number of attendees, decorations for cars, catering for out of town guests, car rentals, handling spray money, wake-up calls, gifts for wedding party, etc. The couple should however be engaged in supervisory roles and even this can be further delegated.

Hire an event managerA few people assume that hiring an event manager is incurring unnecessary cost but that is far from the truth. Event managers play very vital roles in ensuring that a wedding goes smoothly. They assume responsibility for parts of the wedding and usually have a wealth of information about other people who would be involved in the success of the wedding. They can also be great bargainers. However, it is important that the couple be sure about the reliability of the event manager before hiring the person. No matter how ‘small’ a wedding is, an event manager is vital.

Find timeIn the midst of all the preparations, it is important for the couple to find time, few hours or days before the wedding, to sit back and have some laughs over the past weeks or months. This ‘time’ should be had somewhere very private, away from friends, well-wishers and family members. It could be over a private dinner, a walk at the beach, after a movie or concert – regardless of the time of the day. This quiet time is necessary to calm wedding jitters, talk about past goofs and probably ‘gossip’ about the antics of relatives and family members. Talk about the wedding should be minimal and entirely positive.

Take actionThere is the rumoured saying that something – big or small scale – always goes wrong at weddings. Considering this possibility, the couple should be ready to take over tasks when there seem to be flops. The day is about you, after all. Even if it means stepping on toes, do this in as nice a way as possible and be practical about things. Taking action also requires the couple to be firm about issues, no matter how trivial. For example, a mother’s last minute decision to change the caterer based on a ‘friend’s’ recommendation.

Espouse truth at all timesWhatever last minute ‘truths’ that crop up during the wedding preparation should, as a matter of importance, be dealt with, pragmatically and sensibly, to avoid future public embarrassment, distrust and eventual divorce. The temptation to ignore these ‘truths’ should be dealt with as swiftly as possible, as long as there is the possibility that these ‘truths’ will affect the marriage in the future. The couple should be willing to face these issues and address them as soon as possible.

Attend counselling/pre-marriage coursesAs a matter of utmost importance, couples should endeavour to attend pre-marriage classes. These classes are mini training grounds to prepare couples for what to expect in a marriage. It is easy for couples to forget the real essence of getting married and become distracted by the fairy tale euphoria created by the wedding. Pre-marriage counselling also helps couples find time to see each other outside the wedding hullabaloo and come to better understanding of how to cope with various situations that will come up before, during and after the wedding.