Dear Taiwo,
Kindly help me out of this dilemma I am in, just when I thought I have
finally found joy. Not only that it has also pleased Jehovah to bless me in a
special way no one could fathom, my happiness and joy is been threatened by my
daughters.
I love my daughters so much and despite whatever they may have been
told by their father, I will do anything to make them happy, but what they are
asking of me these days is too much for me to give, my heart, however bleed at
their insensitivity.
I married my first husband at a very tender age of 22, I met him when I
finished my Ordinary National Diploma (OND) and I was undergoing my compulsory
one year Industrial Attachment. One thing led to the other; I became pregnant
and my parents insisted that I should marry him.
He had no objection to the marriage, but his mother who was his only
surviving parent was against our marriage then. Her excuse was the fact that I
did not allow her son work and settle down because he just finished his
National Youth Service then.
We started life with little or nothing. He would have been a wonderful
husband, but the fact that he beats me up all the time and vents his frustration
on me. I tried my best to make the marriage work, but things didn’t work out.
I would have stayed on, but it got to a level that I couldn’t take the
beating any more. He would beat me up anywhere for every little thing. In fact,
he gave me the beating of my life when I was pregnant with my second child and
this resulted in her being physically challenged.
All the while, my mother would advise that I take things easy as time
would change my husband and he would stop beating me. This did not happen and I
eventually left him six years after when he beat me up so much that I passed
out after bleeding from the injury I sustained from the beating and he did not
even care to take me to the hospital. Our neighbour rushed me to the hospital
and alerted my parents.
I was on admission for three weeks, he did not show up. He took my
daughters to his mother and left me at the hospital. When I was discharged, my
parents paid my bills and took me home. That was the end of our marriage
because neither him nor his parents answered my parents nor the pastors who
called them.
All efforts to take my daughters back proved abortive and I was
eventually advised to leave the children as nothing will happen to them. He
left them with his mother. Eventually, after much pleas, I was allowed to see
my children.
I did not remarry, I went back to the university where I graduated and
equally did my Masters degree. I got a good job but I refused to remarry
despite pleas from my mother and others. I had relationships, but marriage was
out of it for me.
I built my career and took care of my daughters. I have a place of my
own and they have the opportunity of coming over whenever they wanted. We
became close and they were able to know why I couldn’t live with their father.
When they became undergraduates, with their father re married and their
grandmother growing old, they were allowed to stay with me and we used to joke
about the fact that they are very lucky to have many homes.
I met Deremi, at my first daughter’s graduation. He came with his
niece; Damilola who happened to be my daughter’s friend. Damilola’s parents
were out of the country, my daughter had informed and pleaded with me to make
food and other refreshments for her too, which I did. It was during the merry
making that Deremi and I began to talk.
We became close later and started out as friends before we started a
relationship. Deremi, 58, a widower with a son who is studying Medicine in
Glasgow, Scotland, became the only man who made me feel like a woman again at
49.
We never meant our relationship to become serious, but after dating for
two years, he asked me to marry him. I did without thinking twice, because I
really loved him. My daughters had no objection to this, in fact they were
happy for me and had no objection having Deremi as their step-father, they have
become close and used to him.
In fact, Deremi had sent my second daughter overseas for treatment
several times and they had met his only son too. We became a happy family until
October last year when I discovered I was pregnant at 52.
I was at a loss too; it wasn’t what I bargained for. I pleaded with my
husband to allow me abort the pregnancy, but he begged me to leave it and have
the baby. He assured me of the best care. Initially, I was apprehensive, but I
eventually became used to it. Deremi, is giving me all the required support and
his son, Adeolu is so excited. My mother too is so happy for me and she is so
glad that the Lord has shown me mercy.
My daughters, however, are my problems. They would not hear of it and
they cannot imagine why I would want to keep the pregnancy and have the baby.
They said I have become an embarrassment to them. They won’t even speak with
me; talk less of coming to see me.
Their behavior has become an embarrassment to me too and it is getting
to a level that it is causing a strain between Deremi and me, because he tried
to speak with them, but my first daughter was out rightly rude to him.
I am so confused at their reaction. Is this supposed to be the normal
reaction or is something wrong somewhere?. Please, help me.
Adetoun.
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