Do aliens exist? No, not the ones being detained at airports, but the
ones that are flying though space and time. A recent study shows that
54% of Americans believe, as does one famous rocker, who’s written a
book to prove it.
Back story: Even though hundreds of thousands of people swear they’ve
seen or been abducted, poked and prodded by aliens, we reduce them to
lunatics (no pun intended) who probably wear aluminum foil hats.
But in 1987, respected author Whitley Strieber risked his reputation to
write “Communion,” a non-fiction book about his terrifying abduction by
aliens. He wrote that the government hides alien evidence because the
truth would cause world-wide panic. That book and many of his others
were turned into movies and TV shows because people believe.
Thus, the popularity of the TV series Ancient Aliens hosted by
crazy-coiffed Giorgio Tsoukalos, who once told me he must have gotten
his hairdo from aliens. The show is not on SyFy, but on History Channel,
for Gods (& Monsters) sake!
Now we can add Tom DeLonge, former guitarist and vocalist of Blink-182, to the list of believers.
In 2015, DeLonge quit the band to study extraterrestrial life, and this
month published another book he wrote with occult historian Peter
Levenda, called “Sekret Machines: Gods, Man, & War.”
The book poses the challenge that, “If UFOs and physical reality are
incompatible, maybe the time has come to re-negotiate physical reality.
Because, as we all know, these impossible UFOs that don’t exist are not
going away.”
In fact, I’m about to go trekking in Peru and Bolivia just to see the
structures that simply couldn’t have been built by slaves with rocks and
rollers.
Take Puma Punku in Bolivia, for example. Built around 536 A.D. The site
has megalithic temple stones that are among the largest on earth, some
weighing more than 100 tons, displaying laser-like precision carving,
yet no chisel marks remain. What’s that, you say? It was built by
slaves?
OK, so you don’t believe that life on other planets can possibly exist
but you believe that a bunch of slaves with ropes moved stones weighing
200,000 pounds each over 60 miles from a quarry to another site 12,800
feet above sea level nearly 1,500 years ago. Right.
Even if you’re not a fan of aliens but are a fan of Blink-182, read
DeLonge’s book. You should also pick up Strieber’s book, written with
Professor Jeffrey Kripaluper, called, “The Super Natural: A New Vision
of the Unexplained.”
Or not. Look, we all bought into the movie version of how the Egyptian
pyramids were built by Jewish slaves with rolling logs and ropes. But in
2010, Hebrew University archaeology professor Amihai Mazar told U.S.
News: “Jews didn’t exist at the period when the pyramids were built.”
Oh.
As George W. Bush might say, “That was some weird s--t.”
T-REX SEX IS TMI
If you're more into foreplay than quick hookups, T-Rex may be the lover
for you. Too bad they're extinct. Or maybe that's a good thing.
No, I'm not talking about the old rockers, but the pre-Stone Age ones with the massive choppers and ridiculous baby arms.
According to Scientific Reports, extensive research has shown that
these ugly beasts were "sensitive lovers," who'd get all hot and
slathered by rubbing their snouts on one another. They didn't say it was
great sex, just big nose sex.
They should have tried riding the Q train at rush hour-they'd be T-Rex
sexed-up all the time. There's enough inappropriate rubbing, not to
mention snotty noses, to have kept them alive forever.
The journal reports, "In courtship, tyrannosaurids might have rubbed
their sensitive faces together as a vital part of pre-copulatory play."
They are referring to their huge snouts which were the most sensitive
part of the dino face.
This is horrible. It was bad enough that scientists declared in July
that mighty dinos made more of a squeak than a dino roar. Can you
imagine a giant pre-historic creature opening its massive jaws and a
pigeon coo coming out? It would be like hearing David Beckham speak for
the first time.
Now they tell us T-Rexes were also sensitive lovers who were into
foreplay before they Rex sexed. What next? Did they also wear smoking
jackets and pop on some Kenny G to get in the mood?
Oh I love it when you rub me with that big snout, baby!
No wonder they went extinct.
TRUMP, PENCE FAIL TO EMPOWER WOMEN
Donald Trump and Mike Pence gave speeches at the Women's Empowerment
panel on Wednesday. Then on Thursday Pence made it his business to
unempower women by breaking the Senate tie vote to block federal family
planning funds from Planned Parenthood and any other facilities that
provide abortion.
In other words, he blocked women from receiving family planning so if
they get pregnant because they were denied family planning, they can't
terminate their pregnancies because they were denied birth control.
Next he'll deny us the right to buy shoes, in order to fulfill our true destinies of being pregnant and barefoot.
In Donald's speech he declared, "My Cabinet is full of really
incredible women leaders," Uh, four out of 24 isn't what you'd call a
full house. More like a 6th of a house.
"Have you heard of Susan B. Anthony," he then joked. "I'm shocked that you've heard of her."
Yes, we've heard of her. In fact, we hear her rolling around in her grave right now.
SHE ACTUALLY SHOULD HAVE SLEPT WITH HIM
There are two kinds of people: Those who love “Love Actually” and those who haven't seen “Love Actually.”
Then there's subcategory two: Those who think Sarah, (Laura Linney) was
a huge loser for kicking Karl (Rodrigo Santoro) to the curb, (after
being not-so-secretly in lust with him) because her mentally ill brother
called her again, and those who think she was a big-hearted winner for
wrecking her one shot with Karl to talk to the brother.
I go for big loser myself. Sarah! Your brother could have been put on hold for one night.
DON'S MAFIA
No wonder we can’t win a war. Our generals make Dr. Strangelove’s
General Jack D. Ripper look sane. First, there was General David
Petraeus, who handed classified info to Paula Broadwell, with whom he
was having an extramarital affair — and then lied about it to the FBI.
Now we’ve got Gen. Michael Flynn, who wants to tell the truth about his
and the Trump campaign’s possible involvement with the Ruskies in
exchange for immunity. It’s like dealing with the Mafia. Hell, we’ve
even got a Don. And he’s the President.
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