'I’m An Introvert, And TBH It Kind Of Sucks At Work'

The traits that make extroverts likable can also cause distractions (ahem, loud convos by the seltzer machine) and impact their professional growth too, says Helgoe. Some of her get-ahead tips:

A Laborious Label

Since my internship days,

when a superior first compared me, negatively, with more outgoing teammates, my introversion has been a touchy subject. At both publications, I was the only black person, so I was already an outlier. But more than that, I gave every day my all, so I couldn’t understand how my passion could have been so misread.

Once my frustration settled after this second reproach, though, I realized my reserve would only get me so far in the office, where merit is often married to displays of enthusiasm. Introverts tend to avoid those—which means we can be overlooked, says John D. Mayer, PhD, a personality psychologist at the University of New Hampshire.

A Laborious Label

Since my internship days, when a superior first compared me, negatively, with more outgoing teammates, my introversion has been a touchy subject. At both publications, I was the only black person, so I was already an outlier. But more than that, I gave every day my all, so I couldn’t understand how my passion could have been so misread.

Once my frustration settled after this second reproach, though, I realized my reserve would only get me so far in the office, where merit is often married to displays of enthusiasm. Introverts tend to avoid those—which means we can be overlooked, says John D. Mayer, PhD, a personality psychologist at the University of New Hampshire.

Understanding the “I” Word

People chalk up introversion to being shy, but it actually refers to the way we take in our surroundings. “Introverts are easily stimulated,” says Mayer, meaning they are drained by social interactions and need time alone to recharge. Extroverts, on the other hand, can endure marathon conversations and feel energized by them. They flourish from all that together time. Some people fall somewhere in between; I, however, am at the far end of the spectrum.

In the workplace, it’s more of the same—except the stakes are higher. Quietly chugging away typically leads to well-executed projects, but it also puts you at risk of being written off as someone who (a) isn’t a team player, (b) is disgruntled, and/or (c) may not be trustworthy. None of those (unfair!) perceptions will help you

Flip the Script

Life at work doesn’t need to be this way. The key is to look for opps to round out your personality. Start by cherry-picking traits you see playing out in an extrovert’s favor, such as finding times to humblebrag. You also want to develop relationships with introverts who’ve been promoted, so you can mimic their behaviors—say, volunteering for projects that unnerve but excite them.

You might even schedule solo time before meetings to prepare, or discuss ideas with a colleague one-on-one to avoid interjections. It’s all about “proactively setting up interactions in a way that’s more enjoyable for you,” says clinical psychologist Laurie Helgoe, PhD, author of Introvert Power. And when you feel burned out, take a short walk to reset.

What not to do? Take on an opposite identity-—the lack of authenticity will zap more of your energy. Instead, capitalize on who you are. If someone comments on your “detachment” or asks why you were quiet during a brainstorming session, tell them listening helps you come up with better concepts. Or next time a proverbial fire breaks out, establish yourself as the calm one amid stress.

As for me? I now realize what I should have said at the café: “I’m quiet, but I’m proud to know that I’m helping our workflow run smoothly.” In the end, teams thrive when they have diverse personalities who see the world in different colors—and I’m grateful to have found a place that lets me shine for mine. After all, my current boss let me write this story…and no one singled me out for skipping small talk in the process.

The Trials of Being Extra

The traits that make extroverts likable can also cause distractions (ahem, loud convos by the seltzer machine) and impact their professional growth too, says Helgoe. Some of her get-ahead tips:

1. Check yourself. Talking over others or commandeering presentations (accidentally or not) is never a good look. Make a list of the things you want to bring up during meetings, and stick to those points to stay on track.
2.  Steer clear of gossip. You love to talk! And folks enjoy opening up to you. But a good rule of thumb: If there’s even one person in the office whom you wouldn’t want overhearing your convo, don’t have it there. Word spreads.
3. Fill silence smartly. People look to you in awkward moments (awesome). Use those times to ask others how they’re doing instead of talking about yourself—they’ll appreciate your efforts at inclusion.

• Womenshealthmag